4674 replies to this topic

[Beks]

Although, there aren't that many "next times" left. ;) :wub:

[Mara=^.^=]

I'll just post it in reeeeeally small installments so everyone can have a chance ;)


~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

[Beks]

*falls to knees* Why must you prolong my suffering!!! :'(


;)

[Macey]

lol Katie. xD

(...Mara, you better give me some credit. LOL JK *wink*)

[RocksmySocks]

Just finished reading it!

Didn't have too many suggestions, so hopefully Mara will have it ready for you all soon!

*zips mouth shut and backs away from topic before revealing anything*

[JimmyxxCindy4EVER]

AMEN to THAT, sista!!! :rock: ^_^

[Mara=^.^=]

OK, the first 5 pages of Chapter 35: Hearts Storm are now up!

LINK FOOL

It's not long, so read it slowly! Thanks to Katie for editing!



~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
SPOILER ALERT: Don't read people's comments until you've read the chapter itself!

[J/C AVA]

I guess I can't read this one until I've read the rest, right? -_-

-gets Mara's death stare, :mad:-

[Mara=^.^=]

TRU DAT :rock:

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

[J/C AVA]

TRU DAT :rock:

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

So I'm guessing that's not your death stare. :lol:

[Macey]

...

Oh my freaking god.

Mara, I am impressed beyond belief. Maybe the fact I am eating strawberries right now ups the effect.

    **Nav and April barrel down the hallway, nearly tripping over each other as they frantically skitter around the corner. A second later, the entire corridor explodes. Nav tumbles forward and rolls just in time to avoid a saber of molten steel as it spins overhead. In the background, chunks of rubble rain down like hail, and wave of searing heat charges after them, a herald of the destruction wrought by their hands**

Epic intro right there.

**As they bolt around the next bend, three more of the robotic guardians leap out in a surprise attack. The two fronts collide in a furious shock of screeching metal and straining bone. The first bot launches itself onto Nav, knocking him to the floor; he lands with the creature on top of his chest, and his gun slides from his hand and spins away. Nav grabs hold of the creature’s muzzle moments before its teeth close around his throat. Sweat drips into his field of vision as he desperately struggles to pry the jaws apart.

This part seems a bit...rushed, but it doesn't seem like it could be written any other way, lol.

NAV: Nice save, O Gorlock-of-mine-eye! And I know I’ve said this before, but you are just so cute when you’re ruthlessly massacring the enemy!  **April wipes a blob of oil from her cheek and bears her fangs in a grin, eyes sparkling with bloodthirsty delight**  APRIL: (hoarsely) I will tear them all limb from limb! I will snap open their ribcages and strangle them with their own innards!  NAV: Aww, and you’re such a positive thinker, too! Honestly, I am one lucky guy...

Epic April, Epic Nav. You've got them perfect.

NAV: No, don’t shoot! That pasty whelp is future chubby lumpkins…Aurora said he helped her escape, remember? He might be able to help us.

Ah, so Nav knows who FC is. I was just about ask about that.

FUTURE CARL: Please, you have to listen to me! I know you. I see you on the news from time to time – Nav, the 7th Samarkandi, right?  **Nav touches a finger to his lips, looking up at the ceiling in an exaggerated imitation of deep thought**  NAV: You watch the news? Hmm, I took you to be more of a “Barney” kinda guy…no? Blues Clues, maybe? Muppets? …Sesame Street? Come on, you gotta tell me “warm” or “cold” here, man…

This is why I wanted Nav and FC to meet.

**Nav strides forward, and Future Carl jerks the gun toward them again, a bar of light gliding across his glasses**  FUTURE CARL: (desperately) No! I won’t let you go! Get out of here, or I’ll…I’ll shoot!

Exactly the FC I thought would come around. This is why I want FC and Lee to meet.

**She squeezes the trigger, and her perfectly aimed shot knocks the gun out of Future Carl’s grip – just in time for Dictator Jimmy to step out of the wall and effortlessly snatch the spinning weapon from midair. The onlookers can barely believe their eyes as the tele-portal in the wall churns shut behind him**

DJ's intro also seems a bit rushed, but once again I understand.

NAV: It’s better this way, April. I can’t stand the thought of you suffering the same kind of torture that Aurora endured. I don’t want to leave you at the mercy of that monster. Die in peace, knowing that it was me who took your life, and not him.

And this is why I shipped Nav\April while the rest of you shipped Lee\April.

DICTATOR JIMMY: It’s been a long time since I’ve had the occasion to say this, but I’m impressed. Murdering the woman you love to save her from death at the hands of the enemy? That takes a lot of nerve. I was going to kill you without ceremony, but you clearly deserve better than that. Any last words?  **Nav swings around lazily to face his executioner. Flashing him a crooked grin, he spreads his arms wide**  NAV: Ya. Say hi to Aurora for me when she’s kicking your ass.

...*insert little sob here*

**Unable to watch, Future Carl turns and plunges blindly down the hall, running with all his might, running from the blood and the shame and the guilt. Plugging his ears, he prays not to hear the gunshots, which ring out a moment later in a wordless testament to another senseless killing…**

*hands FC to Beks* LOVE HIM, BEKS. LOVE HIM.

...

Anyway, Mara...flawless. Absolutely epic in all ways. It's very, very sad to see Nav go- once again, eating strawberries up the effect- but how he went out- or at least we THINK he went out- is Epic win on so many levels.

I'm off to comfort the Nav fangirls.

[caseyrox76]

I'm off to comfort the Nav fangirls.

That's why I died. :lol: I'm one of them. :kawaii: *hugs Nav*

The installment was beautiful, Mara. And even though you (presumably) killed off the BEST original character ever written (-dies again on the inside-), it was wonderful and brave and heartfelt and I almsot cried. Pretending to kill April in order to save her... wow. That is so heroic, I'm pleased to call myself one of his fangirls.

The fight scene was EPIC-- I didn't think it was rushed, but that's just me. Nav's lines are ALL win, too, especially the "Barney" crack at Future Carl. And calling him a "pasty whelp" made me lol, as well as naming him "future chubby lumpkins". Wow, Nav, just 'wow'. :lol:

[RocksmySocks]

I am SO glad other people have read it now. Today was very difficult, knowing what happened without anyone else knowing!

Mara, I already sent you my comments through PM, but I just wanted to say again how amazing that was. The perfect way to send Nav off. He deserved nothing less.



Also, I love how even FC is a Nav fangirl.




...and I think I need to start calling Mikey "chubby lumpkins".

[Macey]

Also, I love how even FC is a Nav fangirl.

*falls over laughing*

BTW: Killing Nav off might actually be A GOOD THING for something me and Isaac are cookin' up...haha. *wink*

[RocksmySocks]

BTW: Killing Nav off might actually be A GOOD THING for something me and Isaac are cookin' up...haha. *wink*

Ooo, really now?


Oh, and btw, you can blame me if anything seemed rushed. Mara asked if any of the sections seemed too rushed, and to me they seemed to all flow well, so I told her not to change anything. Lol, maybe she needs two beta-readers.

[Mara=^.^=]

Also, I love how even FC is a Nav fangirl.

Dude, I was thinking the same thing when I wrote it ;)
Everyone loves Nav :thumbsup:

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

[Macey]

BTW: Killing Nav off might actually be A GOOD THING for something me and Isaac are cookin' up...haha. *wink*

Ooo, really now?

Killing off ANY character is good for it. *wink*

Dude, I was thinking the same thing when I wrote it  ;)  Everyone loves Nav :thumbsup:

TRUE DAT! *smacked*

[SweeneyxxTodd]

Awwwww...Nav...noooo!

We can only hope he didn't really die, but it seems unlikely. Unless Nav ninjad up April's AK 47 out of nowhere and pulled off an escape of epic proportions...

I can't wait for the next segment.

[Beks]

DUDE! I'm not even a Nav fangirl and I was crying! :'( That was such a good way for him to go! :wub: I wonder what April will do after she wakes up... -_-

FC is seen for the second time! :kawaii: I said this to Macey on AIM: Though part of me thinks that I chose the wrong character to become obsessed over, the rest of me believes that FC will make up for this little wimp episode EPICLY! :rock:

Is it bad when I associate this meeting with Neville, Harry, Ron, and Hermione from the first book...when they Body Binded him? I know that Mara didn't intend this cause she doesn't read Harry Potter, but I could see some similarities. B)

[SweeneyxxTodd]

Me too, now you mention it. lol :lol: