I agree on that line! I literally laughed out of no where after reading that.
Hold on, reinactment!: ... *Readreadread*
...
*LOLwhat*
Ohnoes about the flashback thing. That probably applies to me, too. *Hides and cowers*
CLOSED: Easy Writing Contest...PRIZES
Started by
Mara=^.^=
, Jan 28 2008 05:02 AM
137 replies to this topic
#101
cancel_me
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 01:00 AM
#102
Mara=^.^=
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 01:07 AM
STORY REVIEW 4: "The Addiction" by Krista
Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS! :rock: **random**
What I love about this story:
This is an exceptionally creative interpretation of Ruby Holiday. Considering your young age, Krista, writing about an older person is challenging and risky...this story really shows how much you push yourself in your writing (OK, now I REALLY sound like an English teacher).
Your use of the observer perspective is very effective...it strengthens the imagery and gives the reader a sense of distance from Ruby, which reinforces both the reminiscent mood of the piece (which works very well) and Ruby's age (since our society tends to "withdraw" away from the elderly/aging). The story reminds us how nothing lasts forever and that no matter how talented/lucky we are, we can't avoid our own mortality (both figuratively and literally). In a more obscure way it also sorta prods the reader to think about what's STILL good about life. I at least wanted to see Ruby find some new satisfaction in life, some new joy that could fill the emptiness left behind by the old one.
Things that could be improved:
Your wording is a little awkward in some places, but for the most part this story is fine just the way it is. As you get older and practice some more these wording/flow issues will resolve themselves (I see them all the time in my old writing).
You're a great writer, Krista, keep working on it! You aren't afraid to challenge yourself with difficult subjects. Someday you'll be selling books left and right! :thumbsup:
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS! :rock: **random**
What I love about this story:
This is an exceptionally creative interpretation of Ruby Holiday. Considering your young age, Krista, writing about an older person is challenging and risky...this story really shows how much you push yourself in your writing (OK, now I REALLY sound like an English teacher).
Your use of the observer perspective is very effective...it strengthens the imagery and gives the reader a sense of distance from Ruby, which reinforces both the reminiscent mood of the piece (which works very well) and Ruby's age (since our society tends to "withdraw" away from the elderly/aging). The story reminds us how nothing lasts forever and that no matter how talented/lucky we are, we can't avoid our own mortality (both figuratively and literally). In a more obscure way it also sorta prods the reader to think about what's STILL good about life. I at least wanted to see Ruby find some new satisfaction in life, some new joy that could fill the emptiness left behind by the old one.
Things that could be improved:
Your wording is a little awkward in some places, but for the most part this story is fine just the way it is. As you get older and practice some more these wording/flow issues will resolve themselves (I see them all the time in my old writing).
You're a great writer, Krista, keep working on it! You aren't afraid to challenge yourself with difficult subjects. Someday you'll be selling books left and right! :thumbsup:
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
#103
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 01:18 AM
STORY REVIEW 5 - "The Beautiful Accident" by Beks
I am very, very hungry. There's no food in this stupid house.
What I love about this story:
Your descriptions are just lovely, Beks, and I LOL'd at "Riley Ruin". Poor thing >.<
This story has a great crescendo...that is, it has a great build up to an exciting high point. You did a very good job of compressing a beginning, middle, and end into a oneshot (which is hard to do).
This story has a great message and a real sense of optimism to it. Even the unluckiest and geekiest among us have a talent that makes us stand out in a crowd :wub:
Things that could be improved:
Oddly enough, the most interesting person to me in this story was the mother. I'd like to read a story about her. I guess this doesn't count as a "suggestion for improvement", but I'm just saying.
The only part of the story that seemed kind of confusing to me was the whole "white angel" scene. I understand the symbolic significance, but it seemed out of place in a story that's otherwise strictly literal.
Thanks for the entry m'dear!
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
I am very, very hungry. There's no food in this stupid house.
What I love about this story:
Your descriptions are just lovely, Beks, and I LOL'd at "Riley Ruin". Poor thing >.<
This story has a great crescendo...that is, it has a great build up to an exciting high point. You did a very good job of compressing a beginning, middle, and end into a oneshot (which is hard to do).
This story has a great message and a real sense of optimism to it. Even the unluckiest and geekiest among us have a talent that makes us stand out in a crowd :wub:
Things that could be improved:
Oddly enough, the most interesting person to me in this story was the mother. I'd like to read a story about her. I guess this doesn't count as a "suggestion for improvement", but I'm just saying.
The only part of the story that seemed kind of confusing to me was the whole "white angel" scene. I understand the symbolic significance, but it seemed out of place in a story that's otherwise strictly literal.
Thanks for the entry m'dear!
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
#104
Mara=^.^=
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 01:25 AM
STORY REVIEW 6 - "The Worst Day of Her Life" by Carrie
I'm being serious now. Or not. :bock:
What I love about this story:
This story brings up painful memories for all of us...I think everyone can relate to a time when they've been hurt/betrayed by someone that they thought they could trust. It's a very "real" scenario, even if it's very sad.
You had some pretty awesome similes/comparions. I know just what you mean when you say that "her clothes looked like they were picked out by a blind old lady". Simple yet effective language :thumbsup: Nice job!
Things that could be improved:
There isn't really an "ending" to this story. It feels kind of half done to me. I realize that often in life, there isn't really a "resolution" and things just kind of suck, so if that was your intention, then that's fine. If not, I think the story could use a little more "meat".
Additionally, despite the fact that Riley's situation is very sad and I can relate, I don't feel close to her as a character. I'm more sympathetic toward my own experiences than hers. I think the story needs more background...well, basically, I would like to read more in general. A longer story, I guess.
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
I'm being serious now. Or not. :bock:
What I love about this story:
This story brings up painful memories for all of us...I think everyone can relate to a time when they've been hurt/betrayed by someone that they thought they could trust. It's a very "real" scenario, even if it's very sad.
You had some pretty awesome similes/comparions. I know just what you mean when you say that "her clothes looked like they were picked out by a blind old lady". Simple yet effective language :thumbsup: Nice job!
Things that could be improved:
There isn't really an "ending" to this story. It feels kind of half done to me. I realize that often in life, there isn't really a "resolution" and things just kind of suck, so if that was your intention, then that's fine. If not, I think the story could use a little more "meat".
Additionally, despite the fact that Riley's situation is very sad and I can relate, I don't feel close to her as a character. I'm more sympathetic toward my own experiences than hers. I think the story needs more background...well, basically, I would like to read more in general. A longer story, I guess.
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
#105
loopin
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I WILL EAT YOU.
Posted 21 February 2008 - 01:28 AM
OK, HOW DID MY ENGLISH TEACHER GET MARA'S PASSWORD!!??
.....
Oh wait... it really is you... :unsure:
:huh:
ANYWAY, please continue with the reviews Mara, as I REALLY WANNA SEE HOW I DID. :nosebleed:
.....
Oh wait... it really is you... :unsure:
:huh:
ANYWAY, please continue with the reviews Mara, as I REALLY WANNA SEE HOW I DID. :nosebleed:
#106
Mara=^.^=
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 01:36 AM
STORY REVIEW 7 - "The Midnight Light" by Liziana
I hope people actually read these.
What I love about this story:
Your story is unique in that it focuses on nature through the eyes of the character...very nice touch! The descriptions really capture the power of the earth. I can almost smell the rain on the air and feel the hair on my arms stand on end from the electricity crackling in the atmosphere. I love how you drew on your experience for your inspiration...it made for an incredibly vivid story!
I love the gentle understanding and silent camaraderie between Harvey Jenkins and his dog. You can almost tell everything about them, just from this small snapshot alone.
...it's like peeping into a little window on their lives. Great work!
Things that could be improved:
My only critique is that technically the character description says that Harvey Jenkins lives in the Ozarks...but then again I did give you permission to set your story in Australia, so ya...
I'd really like to hear you speak in your Aussie accent, Liz. It must be so cute :kawaii:
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
I hope people actually read these.
What I love about this story:
Your story is unique in that it focuses on nature through the eyes of the character...very nice touch! The descriptions really capture the power of the earth. I can almost smell the rain on the air and feel the hair on my arms stand on end from the electricity crackling in the atmosphere. I love how you drew on your experience for your inspiration...it made for an incredibly vivid story!
I love the gentle understanding and silent camaraderie between Harvey Jenkins and his dog. You can almost tell everything about them, just from this small snapshot alone.
...it's like peeping into a little window on their lives. Great work!
Things that could be improved:
My only critique is that technically the character description says that Harvey Jenkins lives in the Ozarks...but then again I did give you permission to set your story in Australia, so ya...
I'd really like to hear you speak in your Aussie accent, Liz. It must be so cute :kawaii:
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
#107
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 01:40 AM
Oh, thanks for the constructive crit. at the end of the review, Mara. I realize I probably need to polish that up. I'll try working on it! Good points with everyone so far, too. ^_^
Loopin: LOLZER. That's what I was thinking! Except for it sounded more like my 6th grade English teacher than my current one, since she hasn't seen much of my creative writing.
I was thinking, "Woah, why and how did Mrs. Butt get on here?" (YES THAT'S HER REAL NAME D: )
PS Mara, I've read every single one of your reviews so far if that comforts you any. XD I am just so lame like that.
OH OH I wanna hear Lizzie speak in her accent, too. :ph43r:
Loopin: LOLZER. That's what I was thinking! Except for it sounded more like my 6th grade English teacher than my current one, since she hasn't seen much of my creative writing.
I was thinking, "Woah, why and how did Mrs. Butt get on here?" (YES THAT'S HER REAL NAME D: )
PS Mara, I've read every single one of your reviews so far if that comforts you any. XD I am just so lame like that.
OH OH I wanna hear Lizzie speak in her accent, too. :ph43r:
#108
Mara=^.^=
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 01:45 AM
STORY REVIEW 8 - Untitled? by Amanda
I'm still hungry, incase anyone was wondering.
What I love about this story:
Wow, very exciting! Yours is definitely the most dynamic story so far. It really grabs the reader's attention and holds it!
I want to know more about Ruby Holiday and her relation to her assailant...not to mention how he's connected to Jack. This is like the beginning of a thrilling 1920's gangster movie. Way to spice it up!
Things that could be improved:
I wish there was more. This is definitely more of a beginning to a novel than a oneshot. I'd love to see you write a longer story about these three. Darn time constraints!
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
I'm still hungry, incase anyone was wondering.
What I love about this story:
Wow, very exciting! Yours is definitely the most dynamic story so far. It really grabs the reader's attention and holds it!
I want to know more about Ruby Holiday and her relation to her assailant...not to mention how he's connected to Jack. This is like the beginning of a thrilling 1920's gangster movie. Way to spice it up!
Things that could be improved:
I wish there was more. This is definitely more of a beginning to a novel than a oneshot. I'd love to see you write a longer story about these three. Darn time constraints!
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
#109
Mara=^.^=
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 01:54 AM
STORY REVIEW 9 - "Miss Pinny's Dream" by loopin
Am I doing this out of order now? :huh:
What I love about this story:
This story is so short and simple, but so heartwarming at the same time! Can I get a collective "awwwww! :wub: "
We all know what it feels like to have that rosy vision of the future...yet sadly reality isn't always as happy as we'd like it to be. I have to admit I've had dreams somewhat similar to this (well, the beach and the guy anyway...can't say I've ever had much desire to be a teacher).
Yet, even though she's stuck in a less-than-ideal situation, she still manages to see hope and goodness where she is. And I LOVE the ending. This is a very inspiring story loopin, muchas gracias for posting!
Things that could be improved:
Umm, can't really think of anything glaring. I only have one, very absurdly nitpicky critique: kids tend to be lazy, and I remember in grade school kids would always address female teachers as "miss" even when they were a "missus" just to avoid the extra syllable. I understand that your intent was to make the child appear cuter by using the wrong title (since Ms. Pinny is a miss, not a missus), but I just thought I'd point that out for future reference.
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
Am I doing this out of order now? :huh:
What I love about this story:
This story is so short and simple, but so heartwarming at the same time! Can I get a collective "awwwww! :wub: "
We all know what it feels like to have that rosy vision of the future...yet sadly reality isn't always as happy as we'd like it to be. I have to admit I've had dreams somewhat similar to this (well, the beach and the guy anyway...can't say I've ever had much desire to be a teacher).
Yet, even though she's stuck in a less-than-ideal situation, she still manages to see hope and goodness where she is. And I LOVE the ending. This is a very inspiring story loopin, muchas gracias for posting!
Things that could be improved:
Umm, can't really think of anything glaring. I only have one, very absurdly nitpicky critique: kids tend to be lazy, and I remember in grade school kids would always address female teachers as "miss" even when they were a "missus" just to avoid the extra syllable. I understand that your intent was to make the child appear cuter by using the wrong title (since Ms. Pinny is a miss, not a missus), but I just thought I'd point that out for future reference.
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
#110
Mara=^.^=
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 02:04 AM
STORY REVIEW 10 - "A Little Bit of Luck" by Chica
LAAAASSSTTT ONNNEEE (I think).
What I love about this story:
Kawaiiii :kawaii: Sorry Japanese moment. -headdesk- I just love the ending. It was uber cute. Anyway, great characterization in this piece, Chica! Love the setting too.
I can really relate to the whole "overdose of sunshine" thing...I am NOT a morning person by any stretch of the imagination.
I liked the opening dream sequence too...Mt. Everest LOL. This seemed like a very appropriate dream for someone who feels inadequate/unlucky and contributes nicely to the characterization. And Mona Loser? Brilliant. Nice job!
Things that could be improved:
I guess it's not fair to ask you to change something because it's been done before (since Slink also opened with a dream sequence using Riley Groll) but I feel the dreams were sufficiently different. So I guess it's OK.
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
LAAAASSSTTT ONNNEEE (I think).
What I love about this story:
Kawaiiii :kawaii: Sorry Japanese moment. -headdesk- I just love the ending. It was uber cute. Anyway, great characterization in this piece, Chica! Love the setting too.
I can really relate to the whole "overdose of sunshine" thing...I am NOT a morning person by any stretch of the imagination.
I liked the opening dream sequence too...Mt. Everest LOL. This seemed like a very appropriate dream for someone who feels inadequate/unlucky and contributes nicely to the characterization. And Mona Loser? Brilliant. Nice job!
Things that could be improved:
I guess it's not fair to ask you to change something because it's been done before (since Slink also opened with a dream sequence using Riley Groll) but I feel the dreams were sufficiently different. So I guess it's OK.
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
#111
Mara=^.^=
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 02:06 AM
OK, that's it! Thanks to the ten people who entered!
I have to sit and think about this for awhile...I'm kind of vascillating between 3 entries. I just can't decide.
I'll get back to you with the winner ASAP!
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
I have to sit and think about this for awhile...I'm kind of vascillating between 3 entries. I just can't decide.
I'll get back to you with the winner ASAP!
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
#112
Ang
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 02:07 AM
Oh, gosh.
This'll be an agonizing wait. D:
Okay, not really, but yanno what I mean. Heh.
This'll be an agonizing wait. D:
Okay, not really, but yanno what I mean. Heh.
#113
girlgenius123
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Fer cryin' out loud...
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 02:16 AM
Oh, it's review time!
*reads mine* :blink: And I thought it was going to be bad.
*reads mine* :blink: And I thought it was going to be bad.
#114
Beks
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 02:38 AM
Wow, thanks for the great review, Mara! I can't wait to see who wins, though from what I've read, I don't think it'll be mine.
#115
cancel_me
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 02:40 AM
Yes, unfortuantely, I do LOL. *Twiddles fingers*Oh, gosh.
This'll be an agonizing wait. D:
Okay, not really, but yanno what I mean. Heh.
*Huggles Amands* HOLD ME WHILE WE WAIT. D: JK!
Bekboo: Don't say that!!!!! *Spazzes out and pushes up weird, large glasses* This contest is going to be hard considering we have such awesome entries. We have some amazing talent, trust me when I say that! I loved everyone's stories and wish equal luck upon everyone.
So, good lu-- no, I'm going to be a traditional theatre nerd and say break a leg! XD
#116
Ang
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 02:43 AM
Um...Rofl, make Jimmy hold you!! OR SOMETHING.
OH! OH!
*grabs Bek's leg*
TIME TO BREAK A LEG, BEK!
OH! OH!
*grabs Bek's leg*
TIME TO BREAK A LEG, BEK!
#117
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 02:47 AM
*HOLDS JIMMY* Squeeeeee! :3
Aw, not literally, Amanda. XD Lol. Don't put Beks in a cast, dear.
Aw, not literally, Amanda. XD Lol. Don't put Beks in a cast, dear.
#118
Ang
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 02:55 AM
LOL
*whineee*
Aww. But..but...D:
*whineee*
Aww. But..but...D:
#119
Mara=^.^=
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 02:58 AM
Well, this has been an AGONIZING decision. No kidding. I loved all your stories and it was great fun to read them. But someone's gotta win, so...
**AHEM**
Without further ado, the winner of this contest is...
RACHEL! With her entry "The Ghost of Mrs. Hanky". Congrats to you, Rach, and thanks to all who entered! :bff:
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
P.S. Krista and loopin, I was THIS close to picking your entries. Great job ladies!
**AHEM**
Without further ado, the winner of this contest is...
RACHEL! With her entry "The Ghost of Mrs. Hanky". Congrats to you, Rach, and thanks to all who entered! :bff:
~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
P.S. Krista and loopin, I was THIS close to picking your entries. Great job ladies!
#120
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Posted 21 February 2008 - 03:09 AM
WOAH, congratulations Rachel! I think you really did deserve it. Your story was amazing, and at the same time very humorous. It was characterized well, so you won 1st for a reason.
:bff:
GOOOO RACHEL! XD
:bff:
GOOOO RACHEL! XD
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