So I've had the idea for this fanfiction stirring in the back of my head for awhile, and I've finally gotten around to whipping up a pilot chapter for it! The premise of the story is centered around Jimmy and Cindy as they move through married / family life, which is a bit more challenging than the average person's, due to the excessive conglomeration of I.Q. under the same roof.
I also wanted to approach this in the same style as the popular show, "Once Upon A Time", where each episode has parallel timelines. With each show, you get to see a little of what's happening now, as well as a little of what happened in the events leading up to the beginning of the show. Though the pilot's parallel timeline is still relatively close to the current timeline (about 9 months before), in future chapters I plan to start more at the beginning, following the events of "Lady Sings the News". Also following the same pattern as OUAT, the genre for this fic will lean more towards that of a drama... Jimmy and Cindy are all grown up now; it ain't a little kids show anymore in this fic!
Before you read, just be warned that the contents of this chapter, though not explicit, are designed to make you blush. (I blame Mara; read FAR too much TOSOT and GBW this week). That said, this'll probably be the most 'explicit' chapter there'll ever be in this series... For those of you who do decide to read on anyway, please let me know your opinion on the rating... I'm kind of on the fence if it should be a T or an M.... besides, what's the line between T-"minor suggestive adult themes" and M-"non-explicit suggestive adult themes"?
Ah well, without further ado...
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A Household IQ of 782
Pilot: Room 438b
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“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NEUTRON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The screams echoed throughout the sterile halls, but no one paid any notice. Though these halls were crawling with people, it was just another day for them, and the painful events occurring in room 438b were of no consequence. Only the handful of occupants in that room were paying any real attention to the cries, and most of them were only concerned so far as it affected the vitals they were monitoring.
Only two in hospital room 438b were impacted at more than just a medical level. The first, a female of age twenty-eight, was the one emitting the painful wails, blond hair drenched with the sweat of her exertions. The second sat by her bedside, clasping her hand in support and attempting to pacify her with comforting words and a reassuring touch. The latter was a tad difficult when the reciprocating touch was bone-crushing.
“Cindy, shhh… it’s okay, it’ll all be over soon… do ya think you could ease your grip on my hand just a little bit?” the brunette implored as the pins and needles began ascending his arm past the already-numb hand in her grasp.
“Oh you think YOU’RE in pain!? I’m the one giving birth here! If you prefer, however, I’d LOVE to SWITCH PLACES!!!” she retorted.
“Thought you said you’d never want to switch bodies again; after the field day we had in 5th grade when a surge of energy from a bolt of lightning caused my Neutronic Encephalo-Synthesizer to switch our brains.” he teased, sapphire eyes smirking.
“Oh just SHUT IT Neutron!”
“As you wish, MRS. Neutron…”
She could only manage to glare in response to the jab on her name. Curse having a mutual surname! She wasn’t able to dwell on it any further, as another contraction took over her reflexes and forced her to contort in pain and cry out her agony.
Taking pity on his wife, Jimmy rubbed his free hand up and down her arm, remaining silent as per her wishes. His attempts at distracting her and making light of the situation kept failing anyway.
“I see the head!” The doctor exclaimed, then turning to Cindy instructed, “I need you to push when I tell you to. Ready?”
“No…” She whimpered, but she knew she didn’t have much of a choice.
“Okay, PUSH!”
After a particularly excruciating muscle spasm, she gasped for breath to replenish what she lost in effort and screams. Her voice was still raspy however when she turned to face Jimmy once again. “Tell me again why the heck I agreed to this!?”
“Your peer review of my thesis on the benefits of procreation was quite conclusive and in total agreement…” Jimmy responded, expression quizzical. It was a little late to be second guessing such decisions anyway, but they had both been in agreement beforehand, and both were more than capable of logically assessing the pros and cons, so why the questions now?
“If I recall, your ‘thesis’ didn’t exactly go into detail on the actual CHILDBIRTH PORTION!”
“This step of the process is a nearly negligibly small point on the timeline, assuming a normal lifespan for the offspring. To be scientifically proportional, I spent more time on the benefits post-childbirth.” The chocolate whippy-dip head explained pointedly, knowing she’d see his logic.
“Oh really? Well you know the INITIAL step of the process is an even SMALLER ‘point on the timeline’, but you spent PLENTY of time detailing the benefits of THAT!”
“Eh, heh heh…” He laughed nervously, turning beet red when the medical personnel in room 438b suddenly developed an interest in their conversation. A male intern observing covertly gave him a thumbs up before returning to his note taking.
Apparently oblivious to the new eavesdroppers, Cindy continued her rant, “You maybe only spent 0.35% of the word count on childbirth, but I swear there was at LEAST 45% coverage on THAT!”
“Er, well, 46.8374%, actually…” He responded in a barely audible voice, hoping the others wouldn’t hear. Now that he thought of it, he really should have just let it drop; but habits were hard to break, and he’d taken every chance to assert his superior intelligence ever since he could demonstrate the polar properties of water as his mother bathed his infantile form in the kitchen sink.
“Ugh! This is all YOUR fault!” she screamed just as another pang shredded through her abdomen.
“You’re almost there, Mrs. Neutron, just push once more for me! Ready? PUSH!” The doctor instructed, and with a great shriek, Cindy did as she was told, and her screeches were soon drowned out by the wailing of her newborn baby.
“Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Neutron; it’s a girl!” the doctor announced.
Her pain and anger temporarily forgotten, Cindy beamed with joy and excitedly squeezed Jimmy’s hand. “Well done, Cindy!” He said, squeezing her hand back.
“Alright, Mrs. Neutron, the nurses are just going to get your little girl all cleaned up while we prepare for the next one. I know you’re exhausted, but you’re about to get more contractions, and we’ll need you to keep pushing for a few more minutes to get her twin out.”
“Her WHAT!?!?! I’m having TWINS!?!?!?” Cindy exclaimed in ignorant horror.
“Doctor, the patient is threatening stage one hypertension.” The intern alerted, having noted that Cindy’s blood pressure was starting to spike.
The doctor raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You didn’t know you were having twins?”
“NEUTRON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“WHAT!?”
“You never told me we were having twins! How could you leave out that IMPORTANT LITTLE DETAIL!?”
“’Detail’!? I gave you a genetics report listing every single detail of our offspring’s genome! Most parents are lucky to know which GENDER their baby is with those primitive forms of ultrasounds and amniotic analysis methods. With my Neutronically enhanced methods, you had all the details you could possibly want before the second trimester!”
“Yeah, Neutron, but most other parents know IF THEY’RE HAVING MORE THAN ONE!!!”
“Entering stage 1 hypertension, doctor!” The intern interjected.
“Mrs. Neutron, you really must calm down; think of the baby.”
“Aw, come on, Cindy! The twins are identical! To give you a duplicate copy of the genetics report would’ve been both redundant and an unnecessary waste of environmental resources!”
“Oooo Neutron, I’ll waste your FACE! You couldn’t have even included a simple FOOTNOTE!? ANYTHING along the lines of, ‘Oh, and by the way, dear… you’re having FRACKIN TWINS’!?”
A little less composed now, the intern yelled, “Approaching stage 2 hypertension levels!”
“Mr. Neutron, we’re going to have to ask you to leave the room…” the doctor ordered, stern expression inviting the man to make his way towards the exit.
“No!” Cindy cried in desperation as Jimmy began to release her hand. Her expression quickly lost its anger and instead took on one of panic at the realization she was about to be left alone. “…stay, please…” she petitioned in barely a whisper.
His own anger abating, Jimmy retook his seat and her hand and said, “Always.”
The next few minutes they spent in silence – that is, if you didn’t count the chatter of the medical staff and the howls of pain Cindy could not contain – and soon the second new Neutron entered the world.
As the nurses cleaned the two infants, Jimmy leaned over his exhausted wife and whispered, “Look, I’m sorry about not telling you… I guess I approached the situation empirically rather than thinking about how it would affect you emotionally.”
Too worn out to answer, Cindy merely gave his hand another squeeze.
“Thank you.” Jimmy replied, giving her forehead a kiss.
The nurses brought over the two now-clean baby girls to the waiting parents, then scurried out of the room, since the newborns’ presence effectively set the occupancy of room 438b over the fire hazard limit.
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“You know you’re wrong…” Jimmy started, breaking the silence of room 438b. The room was now relatively vacant after the flurry of activity earlier that morning. Their newborn girls were now sleeping in the infant ward and the medical personnel had left the Neutrons alone so they could also rest.
“Huh? About what?”
Holy Heisenberg, she looked gorgeous… still faintly glistening with sweat and her blond hair hanging in loose tangles; not to mention those piercing emerald eyes… Shaking his head to regain his focus, the new father replied, “About it being ‘all my fault’ that you gave birth today.”
“Psh, I was under extreme duress. We all know it ‘takes two to tango’. Half the fault was mine; I know.”
“Well, no, actually… it was all YOUR fault.”
“Hey! What are you playing at, Neutron!?”
“Well, whenever two parties are involved, the instigator is the one credited for the action. Thus, the one who instigated the particular instance that resulted in conception is truly the one ‘at fault’. I reverse-extrapolated the gestation period based on the birth date and compared it to all the possible conception dates-“
“Oh come on, like you could keep all those ‘data points’ straight!”
“I have an exceptional brain capacity, as you’re well aware of, Cindy, and I make it a point to store away all crucial data-“
Cindy snickered.
“-FOR SCIENCE!” her husband amended with a blush. “Anyways, given your cycle schedule and fertility window, only the one impromptu data point could have caused your pregnancy. Of course, one might argue that it could have been a different data point with a different sire given I was away for two weeks at a science convention, but the genetic reports
are conclusive; the girls are mine.”
“Oi! If you EVER dare to suggest infidelity again, I’ll make you sleep on the couch for a week! As for your supposed ‘data point’, I don’t even REMEMBER you going to a science convention!”
“Perfect. This is a great opportunity to test my latest invention: the Neutronic Baddeley Decoder! By attaching this node to my temple, and plugging in the output cable to my mobile device, my long term encoded memories will be decoded and displayed on the screen as I recall them! Observe.”
Cindy rolled her eyes and took the iPhone Jimmy handed her. As Jimmy turned on the decoder, the phone pulled up a live video stream and depicted the living room of their house, as the door burst open…
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“Honey!” a frantic Jimmy called as he entered the house, “Have you seen my sonic screwdriver? I need to leave for the science convention in twenty minutes, but I can’t find it anywhere!”
“Just a sec!” Cindy called from upstairs, “I needed it to put the finishing touches on my new invention!”
“…Your what?” Jimmy asked, a little taken aback. Usually he was aware of Cindy’s scientific endeavors, as she would be working on them in the lab, within his view. Why was she using their bedroom as a makeshift lab? Ascending the stairs, he felt the need to point out the error in her logic to work in the bedroom. “You know, if you’d been working on your invention in the lab, you wouldn’t have needed to remove the screwdriver from its proper location, and I wouldn’t have spent the past ten minutes in a fruitless search.”
“I wouldn’t call it ‘fruitless’ until you’ve seen the fruits of its work!” Cindy snapped as Jimmy entered the bedroom. “Ah good, you’re here. Now I can take it for a test drive!” With a flick of her wrist, Cindy presented her invention for Jimmy’s viewing; a remote-like device with a single on/off switch.
Biting back the urge to laugh, but not succeeding all that well, Jimmy barely got out his response without giggling at every other word. “Very -hehe- impressive, hon –hehe-, I’m sure it’s the best of its –haha- binary kind!”
“Ha, ha, great sarcasm, Neutron. If you’d stop giggling for a minute and actually put your brain to work, you’d figure out that this is simply the remote that CONTROLS my invention, and a simple binary switch is all it needs…”
“Alright, Mrs. Neutron, indulge me; what’s your invention do, and where the heck is it?”
“I’m glad you asked!” Cindy began in a peppy salesman tune, “I condensed your electromagnet into a microscopic form, and oriented it to respond to the Earth’s magnetic pull at a perpendicular angle. I also removed the power switch entirely, affixing only a wireless trigger to the magnets so they can be engaged remotely. I’ve assembled and programmed this simple remote for that very purpose. When I flick this switch, the electromagnets will react to the Earth’s magnetic field and head towards the earth’s crust at a velocity of -9.81 meters per second.”
“Impressive. How’d you retain the magnet’s pull intensities while reducing their size?”
“It’ll take too long to explain that right now, and you’ve got a convention to get to! Not to mention I wanted to take my invention for a test drive first…”
“That’s right! You never did say where you stashed them! Don’t tell me you’ve been using Goddard again for your unauthorized experiments!”
“I didn’t touch Goddard, Neutron, keep your shirt on… ‘cause you certainly won’t be able to keep your pants on!” At that, Cindy flipped the switch and Jimmy’s pants went south.
“Hey! Cindy! When did you-!?” Jimmy exclaimed, turning red in the face and stumbling as he tried to maintain his balance while the pants held his ankles prisoner.
Sauntering a few steps closer to where her husband was planted to the floor, Cindy explained, “Remember when you
tried to invent ‘Smart Pants 2.0’? Well those little pockets where you installed the nanochips were just begging me to find a more suitable technology to fill them…”
Noticing her advances, Jimmy stammered, “Cindy, you know I’ve gotta leave for that convention soon… And while your brainy invention is –impressive-, I don’t find your bullying antics all that appealing right now…”
“No?” Cindy said with a pout, coming to stand right in front of him. When she delicately placed her fingertip at his navel, he tensed, back beginning to arch backwards in an attempt to retreat.
“Come on, Neutron,” she cooed, “I know you see things my way. After all…” At this, she began adapting his ‘walking man’ finger taunt trick, marching her fingers up the buttons that lined the ventral side of his shirt; each ‘foot fall’ accompanied by a syllable: “Brai-ny. Is. The. New. Sex-y.”
By the last syllable, which ended with a caress to his neck, Jimmy’s back arch had reached maximum curvature and he struggled to stay upright with Cindy bent over him. “W-wait, the c-convention!” He protested, but soon toppled over backwards, hitting the floor at a velocity of -9.81 meters per second.
With a purr and a pounce, Cindy went down faster than a cat gets high on catnip. When she allowed him to breathe again, she pulled back with a jolt, “…you were saying? Something about the convention? I suppose I should let you go…”
“No!” Jimmy yelped, despite something in the back of his mind telling him to ignore his torment on the principles of science and not allowing himself to be manipulated... Eh, screw that, this was science too! “Er, I mean… How can I show my face at the science convention if I’ve turned down the opportunity to peer review my colleague’s invention? No way! I’m not leaving until your new invention has had a thorough test run.”
“Knew you’d see things my way…”
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“I was thirty minutes late to the convention, thanks to you.” Jimmy complained as he removed the decoder probe from his temple. “I believe you’ll find that the evidence is thus conclusive; this was all YOUR doing!”
“What!? These things are never certain, Neutron, and instigator or not, it still takes two!”
Room 438b was once again the loudest room in the hospital as the Neutrons… ‘debated’.
Who knew that the invention was just a ploy for her to get in his pants?! 
Pffft, YEAH, that was "experimental", alright, Cindy! 
Hehe, very 'subtle' commentary... xD
(Which isn't written yet, haha... so behind on writing... and reading... ahhhh)
)
