39 replies to this topic

[Mara=^.^=]

was practically raped by one of your former prisoners

You can't rape the willing

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

[Thore]

You can't rape the willing

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

Haha nice.

[Sanjana R]

DJ x Aurora (duh.)
Cause I mean, watching them try to kill each other has been my favorite scene so far.
And the fact that they HAVE no OPTION other than to be together!

Kids: J x C (I obsess over this pairing so much its not even healthy xD)

Crack: Hmm, how about A/J? Haha, not as creative as some of the ones I've seen.
Or umm, FC/FS would be hilarious. I've always wanted to see Carl/Libby together, so throw that in for good measure.

Slash: Anything with DJ cause he's just so frigging hot!

[Rocket Raj]

TOSOT Future: NavXApril, EVEN THOUGH, Nav PISSES-ME-OFF SOMETIMES (ONLY SOMETIMES!) (I'm sorry, and I mean NO disrespect, and he IS NOT a "Gary Stu," and/or, a "Mary Sue," although he DID COME CLOSE (In MY Opinion) on a FEW occasions., ...But, April balances-him-out in very cute, healthy, and balanced, and/or "rivals-in-a-relationship" way. I believe that you left April's character poorly under-developed, and I loved what you DID put-in for her in the story, but I craved oh-so-much-more.

TOSOT Kids: JimmyXCindy, ...Um, ...Obvious...?...

TOSOT Slash: AuroraXApril,: ...Hmmm, that would be pretty hot, but, I have a feeling that it would end up more-like that "Certain Scene" from Black Swan (*Shudders, AND, Shivers*). NEVER take a date to see THAT MOVIE!!!! That was NOT a sex scene! It was more grotesque, and/or, graphic than watching SAW!, ...Oh, Mila Kunis, please go back to Point Place. I miss that show so much..., ...Anyways, back-on-topic,: ...Because of BOTH Aurora's, AND, April's PSYCHOSIS, and/or, PROBLEMS (Although Aurora's Got FAR MORE), would lead to similarly psychotically graphic "sex scene.", ...Although, ...Nah, nevermind....

TOSOST Crack: ShahadaXDesparado, AND, throw in the Half-Life, just for good measure!

[Mara=^.^=]

TOSOT Future: NavXApril, EVEN THOUGH, Nav PISSES-ME-OFF SOMETIMES (ONLY SOMETIMES!) (I'm sorry, and I mean NO disrespect, and he IS NOT a "Gary Stu," and/or, a "Mary Sue," although he DID COME CLOSE (In MY Opinion) on a FEW occasions., ..

I think I need to rewrite a couple of his scenes just a little bit...I had always intended for Nav to come off as more of an extremist than he currently does. I think part of the problem lies in the fact that I had originally planned for Nav to be an actual bad guy, so I had to keep writing overly-nice stuff to convince myself that he was on the up-and-up. Which he is, so long as you're a chick or a wee little kid. Anyone else, and I don't think Nav would feel very guilty about shooting them point-blank. He'd probably be pretty nonchalant about it.

I believe that you left April's character poorly under-developed, and I loved what you DID put-in for her in the story, but I craved oh-so-much-more.

I totally agree, and I really wish I had had space to do more with her character. This is the sort of problem you encounter when you have as many characters as TOSOT has. Characterization overload. As soon as FL enters the story, April loses her role as "Aurora's closest confidante", and while I suppose I could have played up her envy a little more, I didn't think it was worth it. The story is about Aurora at its core, so whoever wasn't playing off of her or one of the kids kind of fell to the wayside. I'll try to add in a *bit* more character development in the rewrites, but I just don't have room to give her the kind of focus that I give Aurora or DJ. If you have any suggestions for scenes I could expand/character traits I could play up, PLEASE don't hesitate to suggest them. I'm really slammed for time with these edits, so any help I can get would be a major boon.

...Because of BOTH Aurora's, AND, April's PSYCHOSIS, and/or, PROBLEMS (Although Aurora's Got FAR MORE), would lead to similarly psychotically graphic "sex scene.", ...Although, ...Nah, nevermind....

ROFL...you would've liked one of our old members, Gwen. She drew me a shower scene with those two as a gag gift once. I was like ....

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

[Rocket Raj]

I think I need to rewrite a couple of his scenes just a little bit...I had always intended for Nav to come off as more of an extremist than he currently does. I think part of the problem lies in the fact that I had originally planned for Nav to be an actual bad guy, so I had to keep writing overly-nice stuff to convince myself that he was on the up-and-up. Which he is, so long as you're a chick or a wee little kid. Anyone else, and I don't think Nav would feel very guilty about shooting them point-blank. He'd probably be pretty nonchalant about it.


I totally agree, and I really wish I had had space to do more with her character. This is the sort of problem you encounter when you have as many characters as TOSOT has. Characterization overload. As soon as FL enters the story, April loses her role as "Aurora's closest confidante", and while I suppose I could have played up her envy a little more, I didn't think it was worth it. The story is about Aurora at its core, so whoever wasn't playing off of her or one of the kids kind of fell to the wayside. I'll try to add in a *bit* more character development in the rewrites, but I just don't have room to give her the kind of focus that I give Aurora or DJ. If you have any suggestions for scenes I could expand/character traits I could play up, PLEASE don't hesitate to suggest them. I'm really slammed for time with these edits, so any help I can get would be a major boon.



ROFL...you would've liked one of our old members, Gwen. She drew me a shower scene with those two as a gag gift once. I was like ....

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

WOW..., ...LOL That's kind of funny.

As for your April problem,: ...Perhaps you could put-in some flashbacks of her past experiences of battles, fighting in wars, or training as a soldier. Perhaps you could also put in one, or a few, OnesShtos, in TOSOT OneShots..., ..AND, portray her emotional state(s).

As for me, in MY FanFic (which I just did the math on, and I'm ONLY 10% done, AFTER posting SEVEN chapters, which is NOT EVEN HALF, of PART I (Of FOUR PARTS), and my TEN % is 58,000 WORDS! I haven't even introduced April not my story yet, and I have a CRAP-LOAD of characterization to do with her, and her emotional turmoil, especially with GUILT, ANGER, SADNESS, And, REVENGE, she feels, after LOSING her ENTIRE HOME-WORLD (Planet Gorlock), in the Proxian Invasion Of her Planet. I'm still dreading tackling that a LITTLE, ...BUT, I'll take it as it comes. Perhaps you could use some of those feelings...

[Mara=^.^=]

The only problem with your suggestion is that I actually don't DO flashbacks in TOSOT (except in dialogue). I also don't think April has that much internal turmoil in my story. I mean, she's valued in her society, her father and stepmother are proud of her, she has a fiancee and lots of friends, and she's amazingly good at what she does. If anything, I'd say she's pretty cool with things at the outset. By the end, she has no war left to fight in, no fiancee, 1 less best friend, and she's facing suspicion from her own people (cleared up by Lee, but still).

Maybe I need to explore this loss a little bit more?

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

[Rocket Raj]

...Hmmm...., ...I mean, you could explore those feelings at the outset a little more....

And yeah, I noticed your whole "I don;t do flashbacks" thing, but it was just a suggestion....

I mean, in all honesty, the only thing that I could REALLY think of, besides what I've already mentioned, is just in-putting SOME kind of great loss into her back story, ....UNFORTUNATELY, though, THAT would require changing some aspects of your story, and I KNOW how that would REALLY piss ME off, if I had to do that, ...So, ...I guess that you've done ALL you can do...

[Mara=^.^=]

Ya, plus I need to have at least a COUPLE characters who don't have a tragic backstory. ALL of the main cast do. Someone's gotta be normal, lol

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

[Katia11]

Who says someone has to be normal?

[Mara=^.^=]

Who says someone has to be normal?

REALITY. Not everyone has a tragic back story. Plus, I don't want to take attention away from the main issue, which is Aurora's... well, issues. I want to find a way to develop April's personality without making her personality dependent on her back story. See what I mean? Aurora is Aurora because of what happened to her, but she also has a distinct set of character traits that are unique to her just because. She's sarcastic, grumpy, and sharp-as-a-tack because that's the way she is, end of story. I need to go for something similar with April. I need to portray who she is, not what she's been through.

With that in mind, any suggestions?

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

[Rocket Raj]

REALITY. Not everyone has a tragic back story. Plus, I don't want to take attention away from the main issue, which is Aurora's... well, issues. I want to find a way to develop April's personality without making her personality dependent on her back story. See what I mean? Aurora is Aurora because of what happened to her, but she also has a distinct set of character traits that are unique to her just because. She's sarcastic, grumpy, and sharp-as-a-tack because that's the way she is, end of story. I need to go for something similar with April. I need to portray who she is, not what she's been through.

With that in mind, any suggestions?

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

Yeah, that IS true, but, while we're talking about Aurora,:

...WHY, OH WHY, did you do that to her in the final fight scene?!!!!!! You KNOW how much I LOVE a strong female (if you don't, then you should really read my post in your Forum Topic, about how princesses stole your niece), and, when I read that chapter, I was, like,: "NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" How could DJ just make her snap, and BREAK like that?! I mean, don't get wrong, it was an AWESOME fight scene (and an awesome story), but, I mean, c'mon, DJ had the upper-hand almost the ENTIRE TIME the fight was going on!

Now I REALLY want to make Jenny and Cindy just TOTALLY DOMINATE Proaxana, in MY final fight scene, but I known I can NOT do that!

..Oh, right, back on April, Um..., ...What were we talking about...?...

[Mara=^.^=]

Yeah, that IS true, but, while we're talking about Aurora,:

...WHY, OH WHY, did you do that to her in the final fight scene?!!!!!! You KNOW how much I LOVE a strong female (if you don't, then you should really read my post in your Forum Topic, about how princesses stole your niece), and, when I read that chapter, I was, like,: "NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" How could DJ just make her snap, and BREAK like that?! I mean, don't get wrong, it was an AWESOME fight scene (and an awesome story), but, I mean, c'mon, DJ had the upper-hand almost the ENTIRE TIME the fight was going on!

Now I REALLY want to make Jenny and Cindy just TOTALLY DOMINATE Proaxana, in MY final fight scene, but I known I can NOT do that!

..Oh, right, back on April, Um..., ...What were we talking about...?...

Corinne voiced a similar complaint, but I stand by what I wrote. As an author, you have to bring your protagonist to the lowest possible point before you can let him or her finally triumph. The fact that Aurora was able to even face DJ after everything that happened is a testament to her enormous inner strength and resolve. If she was able to totally pwn him, the reader would be left wondering why she hadn't done so long ago. No, Aurora's true "domination", as you put it, had to come in a different form and at a different time. In the end she was the real victor...as she said to FJ, "I own you now", and she wasn't exaggerating. If she hadn't lost it during the fight, the reader would never have gotten a handle on how much pain she was truly suffering. Being a strong, empowered female is not about never losing it in the face of our ultimate fears...it's about fighting through the freak-out, and refusing to give up no matter what.

Anyway, back to April. Since you're such a fan of her, maybe use could suggest some character traits I could play up? Random examples: impatient, likes kids, Xenophobic, happy-go-lucky, pessimistic... you know, personality traits.

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

[Katia11]

I was joking. I think the ending was well balanced. You don't have to win every argument or fight to be strong.

[Rocket Raj]

Corinne voiced a similar complaint, but I stand by what I wrote. As an author, you have to bring your protagonist to the lowest possible point before you can let him or her finally triumph. The fact that Aurora was able to even face DJ after everything that happened is a testament to her enormous inner strength and resolve. If she was able to totally pwn him, the reader would be left wondering why she hadn't done so long ago. No, Aurora's true "domination", as you put it, had to come in a different form and at a different time. In the end she was the real victor...as she said to FJ, "I own you now", and she wasn't exaggerating. If she hadn't lost it during the fight, the reader would never have gotten a handle on how much pain she was truly suffering. Being a strong, empowered female is not about never losing it in the face of our ultimate fears...it's about fighting through the freak-out, and refusing to give up no matter what.

Anyway, back to April. Since you're such a fan of her, maybe use could suggest some character traits I could play up? Random examples: impatient, likes kids, Xenophobic, happy-go-lucky, pessimistic... you know, personality traits.

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

I know that. ALL I was saying was she was preparing for this battle--this fight--for almost TEN YEARS, and she had SO MUCH inner-turmoil, and/or, strife, and/or, struggle, that she should've been more like a SERIAL KILLER, rather than, a patient from an insane asylum (which is what I believe she acted like, when she broke-down), OR, she should've been like BOTH (such as The Joker), BUT, ONCE AGAIN, this is ONLY MY PERSONAL OPINION! I KNOW that you're the author, and I respect you, your story, the work you out-in on it, and I realize, understand, and agree with your points, I was simply voicing my OPINION. I just saw her psychosis as more of a "I've LOST TOO MUCH, And I REFUSE To Lose ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!!!!!," type of crazy, rather than a "I've Gone Through SOOO MUCH!, ...I just Can't Deal With It, OR, Maybe I can, If Repress It..." kind of crazy. AGAIN, I am only voicing my OPINION(S), and I do NOT expect you to take ANY of my suggestions, because, I know EXACTLY how annoying it can be for an author to hear someone "dissing" their story, but that is NOT what I'm doing! I love your story, and I was only stating a subjective view.



...Now, back to April,:

Perhaps you could play-up her kid-loving traits; her strife over losing Nav; her jealously over Aurora, and how she ALWAYS had Naz's affection, when April had to work for it (and her jealousy towards Aurora, for OTHER things); and maybe how she has always followed orders, and has had no real direction until now (NOW, being the moment the invasion of DJ's base happened)...

[Mara=^.^=]

I just saw her psychosis as more of a "I've LOST TOO MUCH, And I REFUSE To Lose ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!!!!!," type of crazy, rather than a "I've Gone Through SOOO MUCH!, ...I just Can't Deal With It, OR, Maybe I can, If Repress It..." kind of crazy.

I know you're not 'dissing' my story; I'm just trying to get a handle on what you mean. To me, those "two types of crazy" are not necessarily distinct and certainly not mutually exclusive. I don't really understand how there's a difference between them.

Perhaps you could play-up her kid-loving traits; her strife over losing Nav; her jealously over Aurora, and how she ALWAYS had Nav's affection, when April had to work for it (and her jealousy towards Aurora, for OTHER things), and maybe; and how she has always followed orders, and has had no real direction until now (NOW, being the moment the invasion of DJ's base happened)...

I agree that I could do more with the Aurora-Nav-April triangle that I kind of hinted at. I don't think that April had "no real direction", I just don't think she's the type of person who self-examines and reflects on a regular basis. I think I DO need to make her aware, at least on some level, that the people in her life (other than Lee) unintentionally use her as a replacement for other people or only hang out with her for her skills. There's Aurora (April for FL), Nav (April for Aurora), other Gorlock warriors (only like her for her skills). And even though April and Aurora fight as a team, DJ is only interested in going after Aurora ( which can be seen as a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your perspective. If you want the recognition of your foe, it's an insult).

Just some thoughts. I'm trying to work it out.



~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

[Rocket Raj]

I know you're not 'dissing' my story; I'm just trying to get a handle on what you mean. To me, those "two types of crazy" are not necessarily distinct and certainly not mutually exclusive. I don't really understand how there's a difference between them.


I agree that I could do more with the Aurora-Nav-April triangle that I kind of hinted at. I don't think that April had "no real direction", I just don't think she's the type of person who self-examines and reflects on a regular basis. I think I DO need to make her aware, at least on some level, that the people in her life (other than Lee) unintentionally use her as a replacement for other people or only hang out with her for her skills. There's Aurora (April for FL), Nav (April for Aurora), other Gorlock warriors (only like her for her skills). And even though April and Aurora fight as a team, DJ is only interested in going after Aurora ( which can be seen as a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your perspective. If you want the recognition of your foe, it's an insult).

Just some thoughts. I'm trying to work it out.



~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

...And I shall leave you and let you work that out, and I hope that you, and I wish you luck.

Those two "types of crazy," are different, because one (the one where you repress the memories) is FULL of INNER-struggle, and/or, fighting with one's SELF, whereas, the OTHER "type of crazy," (the one where you're tired of losing, or being taken-for-granted, or used), is FULL of OUTER-struggle, and that person, USUALLY, picks-a-fight with ANYONE that gets in his/her way, pisses him/her off, or is just "around." This is EXACTLY what AURORA did--EXCEPT during the final fight with DJ, which is where she "switched" "types of crazy," and, don't get me wrong, because, I EXPECTED, and/or, WANTED the fight to be IM-BALANCED! In other words, I KNEW that DJ would have an upper-hand, and, while I WANTED to see THAT, and I EXPECTED that, his upper-hand would have been a LITTLE LESS, had she kept her inner-turmoil, her outer-turmoil, and her personal back-story from ALL COMING TOGETHER.

HOWEVER, it DID make SENSE that you would do that, in order to show the complexities of Aurora's struggle, and/or, "problems," and I do understand your reasoning for it. I was just saying that delving into her psyche, all-the-while having the fight go on at the same time, was definitely an accomplishment. You made her HUGE INNER-fight (with herself, and/or, her dark id), as-well-as, her HUGE OUTER-fight (with DJ) happen at the same time, and I am amazed at how you did that, but, it just seemed, that to ME, at least, that her INNER-struggle took the "front seat," while her OUTER-fight, with DJ took a "back seat," which is why she MAY HAVE SEEMED so "weaker-than-usual" to me. There is no doubt about it, though, she is STILL a VERY STRONG female heroine, but, maybe, just maybe, she had to fight "too many battles...?..."

[JimmyxxCindy4EVER]

I think she may have had one too many battles on AND off the battlefield, if ya know what I mean... *eyebrow waggle* But that's just my 2 cents. XD

[Mara=^.^=]

I think she may have had one too many battles on AND off the battlefield, if ya know what I mean...

Holy crap, did I just... not get an innuendo? This may be a first!

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

[Rocket Raj]

I think she may have had one too many battles on AND off the battlefield, if ya know what I mean... *eyebrow waggle* But that's just my 2 cents. XD

Holy crap, did I just... not get an innuendo? This may be a first!

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

I THINK that I might understand it, ...BUT, my mind is a terribly perverted place (partly from being a male), and, as such, I think I shall refrain from voicing my guess, for fear that I might be wrong, ...And, that I out myself as a "sick little boy..."