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Crouching Jimmy, Hidden Cindy


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#21 J/C AVA

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Posted 28 May 2009 - 09:02 PM

My major curiosity when I first met you: How and why did you make such a cute-looking self-made singnture of your name?  :lol:

Well, back when I was on the JN forums on nick.com, there used to be this little cat emoticon. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, and every time I signed my name, I'd put the kitty next to it.

When I left nick.com, I wanted to carry that tradition with me, but I wasn't entirely sure how. Luckily, my best friend Emma came to the rescue and showed me how to make a cat out using the keys on my keyboard.

However, " ~Mara = ^.^= " looked incomplete somehow, so I added in some more ~'s and *'s to give it that final flourish ;)



That is most definitely what she said.


~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =

Aww. Cute story. ^_^

Yup. :lol:
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#22 Zoey <3

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Posted 29 May 2009 - 01:37 AM

Great Job! I wonder whats going to happen next.
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#23 J/C AVA

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Posted 29 May 2009 - 05:36 AM

Here's your answer, Zoey... ^_^

Part 2 - The Letter and The Challenge

"Jimmy! What happened to you?"

"Well", the boy genius replied, "Funny story about that..."

-2 minutes later-

"WHAT?!?", Cindy exploded in shock, "Yoo Yee captured Ultra-dork, Lama Loser and Libby?!?"

"Well, they HAVE names, Vortex, but yeah. I tried to stop them by fighting but they were too strong!"

Silence filled the air for 3 seconds, broken by Cindy struggling to hold back her laughter.

"What? I had to do SOMETHING, Vortex!", Jimmy explained.

But she couldn't help it and let loose a loud, mocking laughter.

"Cindy? What's so funny?", Jimmy demanded.

"Oh, Neutron", Cindy mocked, "You? Fight? That's the most stupidest but funniest thing I've ever heard!"

"If you're done mocking me, we do HAVE A SITUATION HERE!!", Jimmy yelled.

"Oh yeah, you're right", Cindy gasped, "What are we gonna do Spewtron?"

"Well, first of all I'm gonna ignore what you just said..."

"Whatever."

"Second, we have to go to my lab and find the necessary tools to rescue them."

The two started their walk towards Jimmy's lab.

"Since Goddard has been decommissioned and my watch broken, my lab is the only thing we have left."

"Not to mention your big mouth."

"And why must you keep mocking me in every turn, Dork-tex?"

"Cause, it's fun, Franken-head".

He rolled his eyes in annoyance.

The two reach Jimmy's lab, which to their great surprise...

"Oh no! My lab!"

Jimmy's lab, or his clubhouse at least, was destroyed, underneth it's rubble of wooden wreakage.

"Gas Planet! Now we can't get in. This is hopeless! How are we..."

A glance towards the ground reveled a small note.

"What's this?," Jimmy puzzles as he picks it up.

It reads:

We have your friends, small-legged one...

"Isn't that obvious, Freak brain?"

Jimmy glared from behind, but kept reading...

If you wish to see them again, then I challenge you to a fight to the death, a battle to the end of all battle, which will be so massive that I can't say anything else of how to describe a big fight this is going to be.

But being that your poor fighting skills are no match for mine, I will make this simple as braking the back of a donkey! I give you one week to prepare for our battle - yes I am that confidant and handsome like the mirror on the wall. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Is that it? Darn, this pen dries like grandma's hair!

Ok, see you.. in a week..


Jimmy's jaw dropped at the proposistion.

"ME? Fight Yoo Yee?!? But.. but. I'm a scientist, not a fighter!"

"He, well I think it's an improvement, Neutron", responded Cindy, "It's about time you figure something out using other than your wacky, nut-job inventions!"

"Hey!", he snapped, "If it wasn't for my Hover-car, my watch and Goddard, then you all would be dead by now."

"Oh right! Like the time one of your goofy inventions almost made a second ice age or that other time..."

"OK I get it! Don't push it!"

"No, apparently you don't!"

Jimmy froze.

"Listen Spewtron, you tried your little gadgets to stop Yoo Yee and he out classed and outkicked your big sciency butt! Do you REALLY think your show-offy inventions is gonna beat him?"

Suddenly Yoo Yee's gold pendant came to mind.

"Yeah. I remember. Yoo Yee used somekind of ancient pendant to not only render Sheen, Libby and Carl helpless but also give him super speed."

"Yeah, you keep your stupid observations, Freak-brain"

"I don't see you coming up with anything, Vortex!"

Suddenly inspiration struck her, then glaring at Neutron with the most evilest smile possible for a girl.

And Jimmy knew what that ment.

"Oh.. OH NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, Vortex you're not.. NO WAY! THERE'S NO WAY I'M GONNA..."

Yes, she did..
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#24 JimmyxxCindy4EVER

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Posted 29 May 2009 - 01:31 PM

Oooo!!!! Great installment, Pedro!! I cannot WAIT to find out what happens next! In the meantime, check out my fic Hope For the Hopeless for a new chapter! ^_^
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#25 RocksmySocks

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Posted 29 May 2009 - 03:49 PM

Lol!!!

This was hilarious!


"Well, they HAVE names, Vortex,"


:lol:

And it is about time Jimmy took notice that things other than science could be useful to know! Can't wait to see what happens next!
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#26 J/C AVA

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Posted 29 May 2009 - 04:12 PM

Lol!!!

This was hilarious!



"Well, they HAVE names, Vortex,"


:lol:

LOL!! Yeah. Cindy is her foul-mouthed talking self and Jimmy is sarcastingly trying to correct her, which he has no hope in doing. :lol:

And it is about time Jimmy took notice that things other than science could be useful to know! Can't wait to see what happens next!


Glad you loved it, Rat Lady! :thumbsup: :dance: Yeah, cause throught the whole show, Jimmy's own "comfy" spot was science and labratories, but I guess at this stage, the situation is requiring him to take an actuall risk... which you can guess what's coming for him! :lol:

All will be answered in Part 3, so please be patient. ^_^
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#27 Zoey <3

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Posted 29 May 2009 - 06:45 PM

I Love the scene between Jimmy and Cindy. You kept them in charecter very well.
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#28 J/C AVA

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Posted 02 June 2009 - 03:06 AM

Thanks Zoey. ^_^

And now, Part 3!!!

Actually I'm not too fond of this one, cause it's so short, but I felt like it came into another cliffhanger so I wanted to stop there.

On the bright side, though, there's alot more J/C goodness. ^_^

Enjoy.

=================================

Part 3 - The Trip to Summer Mountain

-The Next Day-

"I guess she did."

Riding a yellow school bus to the mountains, both Jimmy and Cindy sat next together.

"Ugh! I feel so violated, Vortex."

"Then welcome to my world, Spewtron."

"Where are we going anyway?"

"Didn't Libs tell you? We're going to my field trip in the Retroville Summer resort."

Jimmy's face turned to shock.

"A resort?!? Sheen, Libby, Carl are trapped in Yoo Yee's clutches and your taking me to a resort?!?"

"Look, you know very well that you're no match for Yoo Yee alone, Nerdtron! Even with your scienfic intellect, that'll never be enough to beat 'em!"

"So?"

"SO! I'm taking you with me and my class so you can learn how to fight! And since Yoo Yee kicked the living snot bubble out of you, you're gonna need A LOT of work!"

"Then why aren't you fighting Yoo Yee yourself?"

"Hello! Freak-head! I'm still a pink belt. I'm nowhere near Yoo Yee's fighting level and-"”

"So then why did you kick his butt last time?"

"He was just caught off guard that time, Freak-boy!"

The two argued until Jimmy caught sight of the resort.

Once the bus made it's stop and Jimmy and Cindy got out, another bus, this one colored in red, came following behind.

And out comes Cindy's class and their master.

To Jimmy's great surprise, he regonized him...

========================================

"Ow! My head!"

Sheen rubbed his head.

"Ugh. Where are we guys?" Libby got up feeling weary herself.

"Oh no! We must be trapped inside the dark tomb of the ancient flesh eaters and are gonna get eaten!!!"

Carl screamed in terror, with only glares by Sheen and Libby.

"Dude! Chill!!!"

"I think you both need to chill before I slap ya both!"

Sheen and Carl stopped.

The three then inspect their surroundings: a dark, bricked cell with only a barred window as their source of light.

Then to their horror, the door opened. Sheen jumped on Carl as Libby held him.

"Oh no! This is the end! Goodbye my fellow bretheren!!"

"Sheen! I'm the only girl here!"

"Oh! Right! Sorry."

The knob opened as the three quivered in fear...
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#29 JimmyxxCindy4EVER

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Posted 02 June 2009 - 03:44 PM

It's getting better, Pedro! Keep it up! But whatever happened to MB??? :unsure:
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#30 RocksmySocks

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Posted 02 June 2009 - 07:57 PM

Lol, nice addition! :lol:
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#31 J/C AVA

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Posted 02 June 2009 - 08:27 PM

Thanks Katie. ^_^
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#32 gabBy-gabBz^^

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Posted 03 June 2009 - 07:18 AM

Pedro! Guess what?!? I had finished it! YAY! It's an EPIC WIN! I looove J/C fanfics! In part 2 I was soo clueless of what Cindy would dothat I really rushed off to part 3! I was really happy I read it!

Can't wait on Part 4!!!!!




I'm impatient, Pedro! <_< So I CAN'T WAIT!
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#33 JimmyxxCindy4EVER

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Posted 03 June 2009 - 12:58 PM

Patience, young padawan... (lol I know, crummy Star Wars reference... XD)
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#34 J/C AVA

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Posted 04 June 2009 - 03:19 PM

Thanks again guys. I'm really loving the positive reception this is getting. ^_^

Well, I've FINALLY written Part 4, but I dunno if I'm happy with the way it turned out. It's very exciting and it got me excited when I thought of it but, gee.

Whatever. If Mara spots something she'll definitaly tell me.

Here you go. Enjoy.

===============================

Part 4 - The Meeting and the Pairing

"Master Hong?"

"Oh ho," the old fighting master jollyingly laughed, "Hello there, friend of the Chosen One."

"Greetings Master Hong," Jimmy and Cindy bowed before him.

Hong then noticed Jimmy and Cindy together.

"Oh, and who is your girlfriend here?"

The two gawked at his question.

"He/She's not my Girl/Boyfriend!" they both declared simultaneously.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!," the old master laughed as he then walked over to the two, "Love does strange things to people, indeed. But true love isn't measured by how two humans look at each other, but the direction they are heading, what future will they move forward to, together," as he put his hands together in a gesture symbolizing a united couple.

Jimmy and Cindy stared at each other, then turned away disgusted.

Cindy then noticed that her original master was missing.

"Wait! Where's Master Toriyama?" Cindy asked.

"Master Toriyama is out sick, so I called to fill in. He always gets seasick, poor apprentice of mine."

Cindy gasped.

"Master Toriyama was your student?!" Her face beamed.

"Oh yes. Very troublesome he was: Always crying at night to go home to his mommy. The poor sap. But he learned discipline and restraint and soon enough he left my school with his head high, or in his case, a bad case of indigestion."

"So, what brings you here to Summer Mountain, Jimmy-san? Have you finally admitted that a strong body and mind is more virtueious than gadgetry and technology? Ha, ha, ha, ha!"

Bothered but retaining his anger, Jimmy politely asked but was then interrupted by Cindy.

"Well, Master, Jimmy here wishes to learn the expertise of martial arts."

To Jimmy's surprise, she seemed unusually polite around Hong, considering her constantly being rude to him on an almost regular basis.

Then the old man let loose a laughter.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!! Him? Fight? Without tripping on his small legs? Impossible!" He almost cracked in laughter.

"Actually Master, there's something we've come here for and-"

"Speaking of which, where is your friend the Chosen One? Oh how the monks in Shangi-Lama loved to see him put his leg behind his head!"

"Uh.. Actually, there's a story to that... "

-2 minutes later-

"The Chosen One and his friends has been captured by Yoo Yee?!"

"That's why we came here, Master Hong," said Cindy, "Jimmy is the only person left to fight Yoo Yee and save out friends. Which, by the way, he hasn't got ANY of his self-made inventions left."

"Although," Jimmy replied surpassingly, "Cindy has ENOUGH fighting prowess that she could take on Yoo Yee herself and-"

"Quiet!!!," Hong yelled. Jimmy and Cindy were forced instantly into standing position.

"For too long I have seen too many kids immerse themselves with useless technology and not enough learning mental and physical discipline! And YOU," Hong pointed towards Jimmy, "Of all people, relying heavily on science and gadgets, can you really hope of defeat such a foe as Yoo Yee with such distractions?"

Jimmy's blood boiled.

How DARE he mocks my work and love for science!! ARGH!! If only I knew how to fight then I'd... I'd...

Hong noticed Jimmy's temper.

"Ah, so you DO have a temper, then. If you think you're strong enough, come at me!"

Hong stood up tall. In a fit of anger, Jimmy carelessly came charging at Hong, trying to land a punch on him, but Hong nimbly dodged it and whacked Jimmy with his cane in his stomach, face and head effortlessly, knocking him to the ground.

"HA! You think you can beat me with such poor skills? You.." Suddenly to Hong's great surprise, Jimmy got right back up and charged at him again. But just as Hong was confidently on guard, out of nowhere... "

"HEEEE YAAAAAA!"

In literally lightning speed, Cindy came crashing into Jimmy with a kick to his gut., shooting Jimmy to the ground.

At that instant, like a freeze frame in his mind, Hong looked on in awe towards Cindy.

"Wait," Hong mumbled to himself, "These two, could they be... the prophecy?"

"Vortex? Ugh.. What.. are.. you doing?!"

"Picking on someone my own size!"

"Grrr!"

Jimmy got up and charged at Cindy.

"I'm gonna enjoy this!"

Just as the two made contact...

"ENOUGH!!," the master yelled, stopping the two in their tracks.

"I have another proposition. It seems obvious to me that Ms. Vortex is of a much more advanced fighting level than yours, Jimmy-san. So, inspired by that brilliant display of martial arts, I WON'T teach you fighting."

The two became shocked.

"BUT, in order for you to save the Chosen One and your friends from Yoo Yee's clutches, I elect that you two.."

This became rather predicable. Jimmy and Cindy crossed their fingers and closed their eyes.

"Please, don't let me be with Cindy, please, don't let me be with Cindy..."

"Please, don't let me be with Nerdtron, please don't let me be with Nerdtron.."

"Work together!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Their cry echoed infinitly around the neighboring mountains...

==============================================

Two ninja henchmen with the captured Sheen, Carl and Libby walk down a dimly lit hall way...

"Man, why do we ALWAYS walk down a dimly lit hall way?" Sheen complained.

"Maybe it's because you're yelling too loud!," scorned Libby

"I wonder what's gonna happen to us? I'm scared...," Carl shivered.

"Come on, Carl! Look on the bright side, maybe we're being taken to a Wrestle-palooza match and these ninja guys are professional wrestlers!"

They reach a steel door which opened sideways. Then out comes a familiar yet annoying laughter.

"Or maybe we're gonna be bored to death," Libby rolled her eyes.

"I wish Jimmy and Cindy were here," worried Carl, "Where are they?"

=======================================================

Edited by J/C AVA, 18 January 2010 - 08:54 PM.

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#35 JimmyxxCindy4EVER

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Posted 04 June 2009 - 04:08 PM

Great job, Pedro! LOL at Master Toriyama crying for his mommy!! XD That's something Carl would normally do!!! :lol:
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#36 J/C AVA

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Posted 04 June 2009 - 04:27 PM

Yeah. :lol:

Sorry about the cut up. My aunt from Peru called and disruppted my internet connection while I was editing the Part. <_< I had to wait for more than an hour and a half cause my aunt and grandma were talking for a long time. :lol:

So sorry about that.
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#37 caseyrox76

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Posted 04 June 2009 - 09:13 PM

Nice chapter, Pedro! :hug:

Just a few things to point out (constructive critisim, of course, and this is not to be taken in any way as an insult. It's not, and you're a great writer!):

“Actually Master, there’s something we’ve came her for-”


"Her" should be "here" and "came" would probably sound better as "come," in this case.

How DARE he mocks my work and love for science!! ARGH!! If only I knew how to fight… then I’ll… I’ll…


It might sound a little better if you wrote "I'd" instead of "I'll" for the last two words. Just a suggestion. Like, "If only I knew how to fight, then I'd... do this." I believe it's more gramatically correct.

In a fit of anger, Jimmy carelessly came charging at Hong, trying to land a punch on him, but Hong nimbly dodges it and whacks Jimmy with his cane in his stomach, face and head effortlessly, knocking him to the ground.


You switched tenses, again. "Dodges" should be "dodged," and "whacks" should be "whacked."

“Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!”,

“Although”, Jimmy replied surpassingly...

“Quiet!!!”, Hong yelled.

“For too long I have seen too many kids immerse themselves with useless technology and not enough learning mental and physical discipline! And YOU”, Hong pointed towards Jimmy...

“Wait”, Hong mumbled to himself...

“ENOUGH!!”, the master yelled, stopping the two in their tracks.


You do this on several occasions. I think it looks a little clumsy, and would look better if you didn't put the comma on the outside of the quotation marks.

For example:

"Although," Jimmy replied surpassingly...

and

“For too long I have seen too many kids immerse themselves with useless technology and not enough learning mental and physical discipline! And YOU," Hong pointed towards Jimmy...

This is just a preference, but I think that having it on the outside distracts the reader a little, and takes away from the piece as a whole-- which is very good, by the way. :thumbsup:
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#38 J/C AVA

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Posted 05 June 2009 - 12:01 AM

-reads Casey's critque, takes her point, edits mistakes, and thanks her-
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#39 caseyrox76

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Posted 05 June 2009 - 12:19 AM

:thumbsup: C'est très bien maintenant, mon ami!

And you're welcome, Pedro. It's my pleasure. :D
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#40 J/C AVA

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Posted 05 June 2009 - 12:21 AM

:thumbsup: C'est très bien maintenant, mon ami!

Btw, what does this mean? :huh:
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