Jump to content

Photo
* * * * * 1 votes

Crouching Jimmy, Hidden Cindy


  • Please log in to reply
111 replies to this topic

#101 J/C AVA

J/C AVA

    FUTURE... FUTURE...

  • Senior Members
  • 8,581 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:In Your Heart

Posted 20 November 2010 - 03:23 AM

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't even know how much time has elapsed since the last chapter. Like 9 months! :ohmy:

Anyways, sorry for the major delay. I have to say through out those 9 months, I struggled to try and write a Yoo Yee/Sheen rematch but became greatly uninterested in the whole "Sheen" part of the story. I was even thinking of skipping this and going right to the juicy J/C scenes. But I knew that a fic like this just isn't complete without even a little Sheen epic-ness.

I would also like to give a BIG shout out to Katie for helping me sort out the details faults of this chapter, which without correction would've made this chapter wreak of awful lack of writer discipline. Thanks a bunch, Katie. :hug:

Now, the moment you've all been waiting for.. THE REMATCH!!

Enjoy!

Part 7: Ultimate Rematch: Yoo Yee vs. Sheen

“WAAHHHHHH!!!!,” Sheen screamed as he plummets ever further down a dark tube until…

THUND!!!

“OWW! THAT HURT!! THAT… WHOA!”

Before Sheen’s eyes, a large fighting arena appears around him. Surrounded by a circular cage, Yoo Yee’s legions of ninjas sit around, chanting “Boo, the Chosen One!” Right below them in the front row, Libby and Carl are strapped onto their seats, their arms trapped by shackles.

“Oh no, we’re trapped again!,” screams Carl.

“No DUH we’re trapped!,” says Libby.

“Hey! Stop that,” Sheen shouts at the ninja entourage, “it’s not my fault your leader is a total social klutz.”

“I heard that!!”

From up above, the sneaky ninja comes floating down from the ceiling, his shoulders tied to small wires held by two of his ninja’s from the ceiling’s support beam.

“After this colossal fight, your mouth will be broken and shattered like grandma’s rotten tooth jaw! No more, no more! Hahaha..”

Yoo Yee’s weight is too much for the support ninjas as they drop his strings, sending him falling face first to the hard concrete.

“Ewww! THAT’S gotta hurt, hehe,” snickers Sheen.

Yoo Yee staggers to his feet.

“YOU! YOU IMBECILES!!,” he shouts as he veers his red eyes towards the ceiling where his fumbling ninjas take fright. “When I am done with him, you will be skinned alive and forced to adorn my fireplace!”

“Ooooooooooooooook, you are one sick dude.”

He assumes his fighters stance, his eyes full with vengeful enmity.

“You think you can win against me? HA!,” boasts Yoo Yee, “Fool! You may have beaten me last time, but now I have new secret weapon like that German man in that nuke movie who spoke German and…”

“Who yapped like a boy who wore a yellow gi and who talks funny and who’s been waiting for a hotel room while trying to convince a girl to go out on a date…”

Yoo Yee clenches his fist, restraining his anger.

“I have been waiting a long time for this moment, Chosen One. Today, I will extract my revenge upon you like the anger of the Bengal tiger!”

“Dude, the longer you keep yapping, the less time I’ll have to watch Ultra lord,” complains Sheen.

“That is IT! Prepare yourself, Chosen One!”

“Gladly,” said Sheen as he assumes his fighting stance.

The two encircle each other, waiting for the other to attack. The hoards of ninja’s shout for their kid master to put Sheen in his place.

A long, silent second elapses.

Then a ninja hits the gong and like that, the fight starts as the two charges for each other.

“YAAAAAAA”

“AHHHHHHH”

Sheen goes for his head, which Yoo Yee blocks. Sheen drops and tries to trip Yoo Yee with a dropkick, but Yoo Yee jumps and aims for his head. Sheen rolls away just in time. Jumping to his feet, Yoo Yee charges towards him with a punch. Sheen dodges the punch and they exchange a brief barrage of melee punches and kicks, until Yoo Yee decides to play a dirty trick.

“Oh, look, Chosen One! It’s the purple hero with big muscles!,” he points randomly to nowhere.

“Ultralord! Where, where?”

Leaving himself open, Yoo Yee kicks Sheen in the gut, sending him sliding across the floor.

“Ha, I have made you look!,” he snickers as he charges towards the battered Sheen.

Seeing this approach, Sheen lays on the ground as Yoo Yee prepares to strike him from above. Holding out his hands, he catches Yoo Yee’s fists mid-air and flips him. The ninja goes flying towards the ring’s caged edge and strikes it hard.

Yoo Yee gets to his feet as he eyes Sheen.

“So, Chosen One. You’ve managed to learn a few new tricks since our last battle.”

“Actually, that came from Ultralord episode 855 - Ultralord versus the Fairy Ninjas of the Planet Space Ni-”

“Enough of your silly obsessions!,” he interrupts Sheen, “you may be a bit of a match for me, but you will never speak again after I do… THIS!!”

Suddenly in a flash, the fumbling but crafty boy ninja speeds towards Sheen, elbowing him in the face. Caught without any warning, he’s sent rolling on the ground. Libby and Carl, in complete jaw-dropping shock, struggle to break free.

“C’mon, Carl,” pressures Libby, “We’ve gotta get out of these seats and help Sheen!”

“I’m trying to but these shackles are chaffing my wrists! Ow!”

Sheen struggles to get back up, wiping his chin.

“OOOOWWWWWW!!! What the- How did you get so fast? Not fair!!”

“HA! Maybe not fair for YOU Chosen One,” Yoo Yee boasts, “but this fight has just turned to my favor! Now, prepare for a power you’ve never seen before!”

He drops down, knees bent, and starts tensing up his whole body. Suddenly the ground starts to shake as a yellow aura appears around Yoo Yee.

“Who- who- whoa! W-w-w-what’s Happ-en-en-ing!” Sheen struggles to keep his balance, but the vibrations of Yoo Yee’s rising power is too much.

“Now, Chosen One, prepare for MY NEW POWER!!”

Seeming to explode from all around him, Yoo Yee bursts an array of yellow energy all around the battlefield, its force blowing away almost all of his ninja minions. Libby and Carl’s shackles prevent them from flying away in the whirlwind.

“What do you know,” says Libby, “these chains finally did us some good.”

“Must… reach… inhaler,” coughed Carl, “OXYGEN!!”

Dust and smoke fills the arena as Sheen covers his face.

“Cough, cough, cough!”

Sheen removes his arm from his face and stares in shock.

Standing in front of him, Yoo Yee is surrounded by a yellow aura and electricity flows from his body.

“Oooooh! Glowy!,” says Sheen.

“Uh oh,” says Libby, “Carl, hurry up!!”

“I’m hurrying, I’m hurrying!!,” he panics, trying to break free by hitting the shackle with a rock.

“My boyfriend’s being clobbered and that's seriously the best plan you -”

Suddenly, she notices something hidden around Yoo Yee’s neck. It looks like a necklace of sorts, faintly glowing a gold aura.

“Hey Carl, look at what he’s wearing around his neck!”

“*gasps* Oooh! It’s some shiny necklace that’s glowing!”

“I know that, duh!,” says Libby, “but that doesn’t look like any type necklace I’ve ever seen!”

“You are correct to label my necklace as unlike any other, Miss Liberty.”

“Ugh! SHEEN, PUT THE HURT ON THIS FOOL! I’M SICK TO MY EARS HEARING HIM USE MY REAL NAME!”

“Ha, ha, ha!,” laughs Yoo Yee, “try as he might, but he is no match for my power.”

“Ha, ha,” laughs Sheen, “that’s funny. You remind me of my grandma’s Christmas tree. All glowy and shiny! Maybe they should put you up for Tree adoption!”

“Are you so sure, Chosen One,” warns Yoo Yee, “let’s see who outclasses who!”

The two once again assume their stances.

“Sheen,” yells Libby, “remember yo trainin’! Beat the stuffing out of him!”

“Psh, don’t worry, Libs. With my ‘Eye of the Tiger’, I can beat this guy no-”

But before he can finish his sentence, the gong rings and Yoo Yee speeds towards Sheen again, striking him in the face. Once again lying on the ground, Yoo Yee punches and kicks Sheen around to his heart’s content.

“Ha, ha, ha, ha!!,” laughs Yoo Yee manically, “this is where you truly belong, Chosen One, at the sheer mercy of my great power!”

“Oh no! Sheen’s a goner and there’s nothing we can do!,” screams Carl

“SHEEEN!!,” yells Libby, “get up! Are you gonna lose to this idiot? I know you can win! You can do it! I’m your Girlfriend!”

Girlfriend…

Girlfriend….

Girlfriend…..

The word echos in Sheen’s mind, sending huge surges of power flowing through his veins.

“Now, DIE!!!”

Yoo Yee thrusts his hand straight towards Sheen’s neck when out of nowhere, Sheen catches it. Looking straight at Yoo Yee, Sheen’s eyes glow with the Eye of the Tiger. He pushes Yoo Yee back as he stands tall towards his ninja rival.

“Ah! So the Chosen One has decided to reveal his true power! With the power of this gold pendant, you will be no more!”

“We’ll see about that,” says Sheen.

Sheen activates his Eye of the Tiger.

“That’s it! This fight is over!,” proclaims Libby

“Yeah, there’s no way Yoo Yee can beat Sheen and his Eye of the Tiger!,” agrees Carl.

The two combatants make one final charge.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

“YEAAAAAAA”

Yoo Yee’s and Sheen’s punches collide, illuminating a bright explosion of yellow and blue. The whole arena lights up in an amazing display of power. Smoke once again follows as Libby and Carl gasp for air.

“Where’s Sheen?,” yells Carl.

“Oh no! Sheen!! Where are you?!?,” yells Libby

The smoke clears and before everyone’s eyes, emerges a victor.

Yoo Yee stands tall, his foot pinning the manic teen on the ground, barely keeping himself conscious. Carl’s eyes widen and Libby gasps in disbelief.

“Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!,” the ninja teen laughs, “FINALLY!! VICTORY IS MINE!!!”

Struggling to stay awake, a half conscious Sheen sees Libby, her face stricken in shock as his vision fades to black…
  • 0

#102 Mara=^.^=

Mara=^.^=

    Benevolent, All-Seeing Eye

  • Admin
  • 25,846 posts
  • Nickname:Mara
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:VT

Posted 20 November 2010 - 04:05 AM

“WAAHHHHHH!!!!,” Sheen screamed as he plummets ever further down a dark tube until…

More tense mixing. I'm guessing you're trying to stick with the present tense, so it should be "screams".

Before Sheen’s eyes, a large fighting arena appears around him.

Using "before" (suggesting in front) along with "around" (suggesting a circular shape) is a bit confusing, in my opinion. Either drop "Before Sheen's eyes" or "around him".

From up above, the sneaky ninja comes floating down from the ceiling, his shoulders tied to small wires held by two of his ninja’s from the ceiling’s support beam.

This sentence is confusing. Maybe you meant "ninjas", non-possessive? Also, "the" sneaky ninja? Which one? Maybe "a" sneaky ninja? Or are you referring to Yoo Yee? And I think you need a verb before "from the ceiling's support beam", because the verb "held" is describing the two ninjas. Maybe you could make it "suspended from the ceiling's support beam" or "hanging onto the ceiling's support beam".
On second though, just re-write the whole sentence, LOL

“After this colossal fight, your mouth will be broken and shattered like grandma’s rotten tooth jaw! No more, no more! Hahaha..”

LOL, that is both gross and awesome.

“YOU! YOU IMBECILES!!,” he shouts as he veers his red eyes towards the ceiling where his fumbling ninjas take fright. “When I am done with him, you will be skinned alive and forced to adorn my fireplace!”

Aaaawesome. Yoo Yee gets a Cruella de Ville moment >.< .

He assumes his fighters stance, his eyes full with vengeful enmity.

full OF vengeful enmity.

The two encircle each other, waiting for the other to attack. The hoards of ninja’s shout for their kid master to put Sheen in his place.

Hoard of ninja's what? Unnecessary possessive, again. It's "hoard of ninjas", without the apostrophe.

Sheen goes for his head, which Yoo Yee blocks. Sheen drops and tries to trip Yoo Yee with a dropkick, but Yoo Yee jumps and aims for his head.

Yoo Yee blocks his head? That first sentence is a bit confusing. You could probably also cut the phrase "Sheen drops and..." and just leave it as "Sheen tries to trip up Yoo Yee with a dropkick..."

More on the next post...
  • 0

#103 Mara=^.^=

Mara=^.^=

    Benevolent, All-Seeing Eye

  • Admin
  • 25,846 posts
  • Nickname:Mara
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:VT

Posted 20 November 2010 - 04:05 AM

“Actually, that came from Ultralord episode 855 - Ultralord versus the Fairy Ninjas of the Planet Space Ni-”

Dude I totally wanna see that episode.

Caught without any warning, he’s sent rolling on the ground.

This is nitpicky, but I think you should probably write out "he's" as "he is".

the vibrations of Yoo Yee’s rising power is too much. Seeming to explode from all around him...

This sounds like a passage from a very dirty romance novel. :rolleyes: You should probably re-write it so that it doesn't sound sexual, but if you don't want to, at least change it to "are too much" (since the subject, vibrations, is plural).

“I’m hurrying, I’m hurrying!!,” he panics, trying to break free by hitting the shackle with a rock.

Where'd he get the rock?

Suddenly, she notices something hidden around Yoo Yee’s neck. It looks like a necklace of sorts, faintly glowing a gold aura.

LOL, Libby WOULD notice jewelry, wouldn't she... Also, I think you mean "glowing WITH a gold aura".

“*gasps* Oooh! It’s some shiny necklace that’s glowing!”

Why are you suddenly using script format ** notation? Shouldn't you say "Oooh," gasped Carl. "It's some shiny necklace..."?

“Are you so sure, Chosen One,” warns Yoo Yee, “let’s see who outclasses who!”

I'm sure Carl's thinking. "who outclasses WHOM!"

Sheen activates his Eye of the Tiger.

Sounds like you're playing some sort of video game. "I activate my eye of the tiger! It's super effective!"

Yoo Yee’s and Sheen’s punches collide, illuminating a bright explosion of yellow and blue.

Verb issue. I don't think you can "illuminate an explosion". You can cause an explosion, or illuminate the arena, but the way you have it now somehow manages to be both redundant and impossible, LOL.

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN

Nice ending. I appreciate cliffhangers :thumbsup:

As usual, I'm a tough grader, so don't feel bad! Great chapter!

~*Mara*~ = ^.^ =
  • 0

#104 RocksmySocks

RocksmySocks

    DJ was here.

  • Senior Members
  • 8,034 posts
  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Location:Boston, MA

Posted 20 November 2010 - 01:17 PM

I'm so glad you decided to include this chapter, Pedro. We can always use more Sheen/Libby/Carl goofiness. Seriously, those three together never fail to crack me up.

“Oh, look, Chosen One! It’s the purple hero with big muscles!,” he points randomly to nowhere.

“Ultralord! Where, where?”

Leaving himself open, Yoo Yee kicks Sheen in the gut, sending him sliding across the floor.

“Ha, I have made you look!,” he snickers as he charges towards the battered Sheen.


I didn't mention it while editing, but I wanted point out how much I love his part. Something about "I have made you look!" just sends me off loling.

:thumbsup:
  • 0

#105 JimmyxxCindy4EVER

JimmyxxCindy4EVER

    I'D forgive you, FJ... <3<3

  • Senior Members
  • 21,414 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Retroville, DUH!! XD

Posted 20 November 2010 - 08:16 PM

Dang, Pedro! This chapter had me spellbound! I sure hope Sheen's gonna be okay! I loved when he fell for Yoo-Yee's "oh, look!" trick! Classic! Just let Sheen be okay in the next chapter, okay??? A truly great chapter, dude! I am eternally in awe of your greatness... lolz
  • 0

#106 Katia11

Katia11

    Just me

  • Senior Members
  • 7,192 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Minnesota

Posted 01 December 2010 - 11:44 PM

Love it! :)
  • 0

#107 J/C AVA

J/C AVA

    FUTURE... FUTURE...

  • Senior Members
  • 8,581 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:In Your Heart

Posted 20 July 2011 - 03:46 AM

@Mar: And as always, your tough grading leaves me in a state of.... wait for it... shock and awe? :rolleyes: :lol: Kidding.

@Em: Why thank you, Em. ^_^

@Katie (old and new): Thank you too!

And MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!! Have I been busy as heck!! :grr: Sadly, it's not my fic, but other things going on right now. It's taking up so much of my fic writing time it's not even funny. I don't even have a clear idea of how to continue with the next chapter... although I already wrote the beginning of it at least. So I guess that should suffice for now.

Anyways, thanks so much guys for sticking by this story, after such a long wait. I just feel really awful that I don't have a chapter ready yet as so much has been going on on my end. :(

But I promise, I WILL see this fic to the very end! This will end in an epic J/C moment wheather it likes it or not!!! Muhahahahahaha!!!
  • 0

#108 Katia11

Katia11

    Just me

  • Senior Members
  • 7,192 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Minnesota

Posted 20 July 2011 - 07:09 PM

Good!!! :)
  • 0

#109 Chompyzilla

Chompyzilla

    Bubble travel is the way of the future!

  • Senior Members
  • 4,022 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:A fictional town in Texas

Posted 20 July 2011 - 08:20 PM

when will there be MOOOORRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • 0

#110 Chompyzilla

Chompyzilla

    Bubble travel is the way of the future!

  • Senior Members
  • 4,022 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:A fictional town in Texas

Posted 04 August 2011 - 01:22 AM

pedro's status says there is a brand new chapter but that was long ago
  • 0

#111 xErik12

xErik12

    It's ok, they owed me money.

  • Members
  • 378 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Texas

Posted 27 January 2013 - 01:42 AM

Something tells me....  :facepalm:

 

Pedro, que paso?

 

It was just gettin' juicer?!  :protest:

 

 

No but, seriously man, ya paso el nuevo (dos anos :blink: )... Yo quiero leer mas de tu fic!! :w00t:


  • 0

#112 JimmyxxCindy4EVER

JimmyxxCindy4EVER

    I'D forgive you, FJ... <3<3

  • Senior Members
  • 21,414 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Retroville, DUH!! XD

Posted 27 January 2013 - 04:17 AM

It's simple, really.  Life reared its ugly arse and got in his way... <_<


  • 0




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users