27 replies to this topic

[jak3067]

https://www.fanficti...the-Xyzcek-Aden

I forgot that I could just type the address down as a link... Damn my idiocy... Welp! There it Is! Please read, and please review!

[jak3067]

In a few chapters, I'll be starting the very last story arc for this, and I'm planning on having it revolve around a fairy tale of my own design. The challenge will be creating a fairy tale that seems similar enough to the stories by the Brothers Grimm and other such fairy tale writers and/or childrens books writers. I really want it to feel like in belongs in that realm- but the stories origins are supposed to be from far out in the universe, so there is some room for error. I geuss. Anyway- I'm going to proceed to write my very first draft of the fairy tale, and hope that somebody will be nice enough to offer me some critique.
Also, again- *first* draft. Do keep that in mind.

[jak3067]

There once was a lonely little ball of light. As it drifted through the emptiness of space, it yearned for the company of a friend.
One day, it found its friend- in the furthest end of the galaxy. She was a curious little girl who loved to invent.
She invented gadgets, she invented gizmo's.
She invented massive contraptions and smaller ones for weirdo's.
The ball of light was filled with glee. Finally, a friend. A friend to call all its own.
The girl and the ball roamed the galaxy. Going on adventures, meeting new friends and new enemies.
As they went through their travels, the girl got more and more curious. Just what was this ball- and where did it come from?
The ball of light had never wondered such things. All it had ever wanted was a friend. But in order to make its new friend happy, it went along with its friend into new worlds and galaxies- all in the hope of finding the balls home.
One day the ball fell under the eyes of the wicked. The dastardly. Curious aliens, who knew of the balls power.
They attacked the girl and the ball, and attacked them again. They attacked them in space ships, they attacked them with lasers. They attacked them with fury, they attacked them with no mercy.
Eventually, the girl and ball found a new home. But it was not meant to be. The ball was soon sent spiralling into misery.
For the girl had died. Attacked by those consumed by greed.
And with that- the ball began to change. It's light became dim, as it attacked it's attackers.
But the rage would not disappear. So it began to seek out the evil and villainous, and attack them as well.
But still, the rage would not disappear.
Finally the ball turned into darkness. And it gave birth to a whole new world. As it drowned itself in misery and sadness. All because of the memory, of his one and only friend.
 

~ JN ~
 

Okay, that's the gist of it. I don't know if I want it to be longer or shorter- but I would definitely like to either make it rhyme more- or cut them out. They don't really work, so I probably will.
The arc of this story needs to be simple- an innocent ball of light meets the lady inventor, they befriend each other, she dies- and he slowly turns evil. The ball then uses all of its power to create a whole new universe. And dies shortly after. The universe he creates is the Dark Matter Dimension, which is reffered too in Jimmy Neutron episode 'The Trouble With Clones'. This fairy tale will be the penultimate point of my fanfiction story.

Please let me know what changes you think I should make. I would love to work with somebody on this.

[jak3067]

By the by- Yes, I *am* still working on this. Boy- It's been so much work so far... Oh well. Just one more arc to go!

[Katia11]

Dude, you  have written a lot of chapters! *stands in awe* 

[jak3067]

*sigh* I'm gunna need a little help with a certain part of the next chapter of the story. If anyone wants to help- please let me know. Otherwise... Just read it! https://www.fanficti...the-Xyzcek-Aden

[jak3067]

Welp- I'm onto the last few chapters now. I think about three or four more and... it'll be done. It's been more difficult than I hoped, and I think that there are definately some parts that are better than others- but if I stick the landing... I'll be real proud. I hope more people will read and review it, because it helps my ever-hungry ego, and it also helps to motivate me. For now- I'm working on chapter twenty-five, and twenty-four has just been put up. If you can read this, you can *also* read the story to which this is refering! So... do that! (please)

 

Until the happy day when I'm finished, and I use this forum to brag about it... Goodbye.

[jak3067]

Well, now all I have to do is post an epilogue- and this story will be finished. I don't think anybody here read it, or enjoyed it- but nevertheless, it is the first long project I've ever undertaken that I have actually managed to see to the end. And I for one, am proud.

 

On another note, I made this curry tonight- pretty good! I mean, I think so. I've gotta try and crack the code to doin' it right...