10 replies to this topic

[~~Megan~~]

Hello, I figured I should write one of these, and now is as good a time as any! I'll have the first chapter up soon but, before that, here are some words you should know:

taltan- a prodigy; when used in context with mystics, the valedictorian of a class

jentra- a noblewoman

[~~Megan~~]

Chapter One

"Concentrate, Elise, concentrate!"

I ignored him. This was my third new instructor this month, and he was a bigger fool than the others.

"Focus on your goal, focus!"

Did he know nothing? A distracted mystic could end with disasterous results. I needed quiet. I couldn't let him affect me- like he was doing now! I silently chided myself.

I tuned out his voice and concentrated. If he would shut up, this simple transformation would be much easier.

I squinted and bit my lip, then snapped. The small stone had changed into a perfect, glistening diamond. Picking it up, I thought of my two year old sister Julie, and how much she would love the small present.

My instructor beamed. "You did it."

I sighed and smiled to myself. I had not become a graduate, much more a taltan at the age of seven thanks to the likes of him.

Thinking of my graduation three years before, I sat down and eyed the jewel. It sparkled like the sun, much as it had that momentous day...



Eightteen students cheered as the master of the holding announced their progression to the graduate stage. But none felt happier than the star pupil of them all, standing short next to children six years older than her. Her family sat with occasioned happiness, all except Julie. Her curly blond head was lowered to the dirt, observing the ants as they scurried by.

I ran to her, my skirt twisting around my legs and almost tripping me. I cared not. "Julie!" I cried happily to her, swinging the one year old into my arms. She giggled delightedly while my rigid, mannered sisters looked on. She blinked at me with chocolate eyes, then wriggled to be put down. I set her gently next to her ants, then retrieved a silly paper tiara I had made just for her. I placed it on her shining head, and she beamed at me giving me a glance of her two teeth. I grinned and asked her how she liked it.

"Can you turn it to gold, 'Lise?" she asked me, wide eyed.

"No, my gem. Mystics do not contol the elements."

The four elements escaped manipulation for all mystics just as animals escaped me. There was no way to focus enough to control them... I glanced at the links of the paper chain.

"That's it..."



"Julie, can I see it?"

She obliged, handing it to me easily. I smiled proudly at her sweet-temperedness. I held it in my hand. The links were made of paper. The paper was made of trees. Trees were of the earth... Could I? Maybe it was not the focus on the object, but the connection...

I snapped, and the sheen of gold sped along it like fire. It became heavy in my hands, and I grasped it tightly as I stared, open-mouthed. After a moment I came to my senses.

"Master!"

I ran to him as fast as I could and he turned expectantly. "What is it, mytaltan?"

I held the gold circlet to him, breathless, eyes shining. "I transformed this."

His eyes showed shock and wonder as he lifted it from me. "Do it again," he commanded. I bent and picked up a small stone. I focused, not on the final product, but how the objects were connected... Then I snapped. The rock transformed before our eyes into a flawless emerald. Gently, I retrived the golden crown and fastened the stone to it.
"For my jewel, my Julie," I whispered.



I was shaken from my memeories by a franic call.

"Jentra, Jentra! Jentra Elise... Lady..." A young attendant ran into the room, followed by a student several years my senior.

"Naran?" I asked, confused.

My friend straightened. Though he was older than me, he would not graduate til the next year. "I came to see what's wrong." The worry in his blue eyes frightened me.

"Lady..."

"What is it?" I said hurriedly.

"Your sister, Lady, Jentra Julie!"

I was gone before another word was spoken.





:ph43r:

[RocksmySocks]

Eek, Julie! What happened to her?!

Guess I have to wait for the next chapter to find out. Really great beginning, there, Lady Elise. Can't wait to see more!


-Rat Lady :ahoy:

[~~Megan~~]

You know, as much as I want to share my story, I'm not going to keep updating if no one's going to read it.



:ph43r:

[Kaytron]

Aw c'mon!!!1

You're story's awesome!!! :thumbsup:

Plz post more? **does puppy dog eyes**

^Kaytron^ :ph43r:

[RocksmySocks]

You know, as much as I want to share my story, I'm not going to keep updating if no one's going to read it.



:ph43r:

Well, I read it, and would really like to see more. But I personally don't think you should post more if the only reason is you are doing so is to get loads of comments. Just write for the joy of writing! It's more fun that way, and it will be reflected then in your story and in your audience.

I hope you keep posting your story, because I really enjoyed the beginning! And it isn't fair to leave us with a cliffhanger that will never get resolved. :P


-Rat Lady :ahoy:

[~~Megan~~]

Thank you for the advice, Rat Lady. It was selfish of me to not post because no one was commenting... Its that darn thing called pride. I hate it. I will update the story as soon as possible.
Thank you Rat Lady.
Also thank you Kaytron :D

And yes, Miguel is sexy... duh... love your avatar!

:ph43r:

[RocksmySocks]

No problem, Lady Elise! Looking forward to your next chapter!

And yes, Miguel is totally made of win. :D Nice signature pic!


-Rat Lady :ahoy:

[~~Megan~~]

Okay, I do have to say you probably won't like this chapter...

Chapter Two

Running clumsily up the front walk of our estate, I feared for what I would find. My mind jumped to the worst against my will. I practically flew to her room, my eyes wild and chest heaving.

"Julie!" I cried.

Five somber faces regarded me sadly. I collapsed at the bedside.
Her beautiful, plump toddler face had given way to the gaunt visage of a corpse. Her silky blond curls were frizzed and dull, and her warm brown eyes hidden by closed lids. Her frail body seemed contorted in agony.

I felt a wrenching, physical pain in my heart. She had been sent home from the holding a few days before with a fever... But now this... Tears welled, then fell unchecked, and I gasped for breath. With a trembling hand I brushed the golden ringlets from her brow- her skin burned beneath my fingers.

Desperately, despairingly, I looked to my parents. I hated their silence, their stiff, obligatory sadness, as if death were too formal an occasion for emotion.

My mother glanced at my father, then slowly shook her head. I felt the wind knocked out of me. New tears scalded my face.

Hiccuping violently, I turned back to my sister. "Julie," I whispered. "My jewel, my precious gem, my Julie."

Then, like the last pure note of the most beautiful of melodies, her ragged, soft breath faded until all was still.

A horrible, high, keening wail rose like bile in my throat, but it was nothing compared to my heart being torn asunder in my chest. I felt hollow, empty, but not numb- no, numbness would be a blessing. Yet at the same time I felt filled with vile, despicable things I dared not even think of, that filled my very soul.

I heard my own screaming as if from a distance, felt heady from the pain, the awful, raw shock, the piercing anguish that took hold of me and would never relinquish its grip.

Julie, my beautiful, precious Julie, my inspiration and my happiness, who was perfect and could do no wrong, was dead before me. She had died and with her taken all the beauty from the world. All I knew was the pain and the mouth that was mine sobbing "Julie" over and over again as if something would actually happen.



I lay there for an unknown amount of time, my sorrow stricken laments quieting until I was quite as still and silent as my sister who was no longer there. I embraced the pain, pushing out of my mind the cause of it. If I could forget, the pain would overwhelm me until the cause of the pain would be pain itself.

Therefore it was not for some time that I realized that my family had gone but I was not alone. I whipped around suddenly, flinging a dagger I had conjured. The man dodged it easily.

It was then that I noticed the symbol he wore.

"A Neutron Knight," I whispered. They were known throughout the galaxy.

"That's right," he said, picking up the dagger and examining it. "If you'll please step aside."

"Don't touch her!" I cried piteously.

He set down the dagger carefully and avoided my gaze. There was something familiar about him, but I couldn't place it...

"Miss, you need to step aside." He still wouldn't look at me.

"Why?" I asked loudly. I was being impertinent and obnoxious, but I was struggling to not double over in pain. I figured he had no right to be there. He couldn't have been more than a couple years older than me. "Who are you?"

The knight sighed and finally turned to face me. He had blue eyes. Blue eyes that I knew. "You can call me Mystic Knight."

"No." I shook my head slowly, feeling betrayed but not knowing why. "I'll call you by your name, Naran."

Another knight strode in. "Mystic Knight, we have to hurry- who's this?"

Naran turned from me. "Red Storm, this is Lady Elise, a... friend of mine. Her sister is a victim."

"Victim?" I felt dazed. "Of what?"

Naran stopped the older knight from answering. "You can't tell her!"

Red Storm looked at him. "She has a right to know."

"Know what?" I screeched. "What sickness is this?" Naran looked upset. But no one could be as distressed as I.

"A test," Red Storm replied slowly, "of biological weaponry."

"Only to be expected from Eustace Strych," Naran spat. I had never seen him so angry.

"Julie," I whispered, a single tear escaping. I sprang to my feet. "I must go to Neutronia and help stop this!"

Naran stuttered, aghast. "But- but you are only a child!"

"As are you!" I retorted. Fire for justice burned in me. I would save those endangered from my beautiful Julie's fate. "I will go to Neutronia."

Naran looked terrified, and something I did not recognize flashed in his eyes. "For my sake, do not go," he pleaded.

"I go for the sake of many, I will not stay for one," I snapped.

Red Storm seemed bemused and it angered me further. "And how will you accomplish this justice?"

I faltered, but in a moment I had my answer. "Knowledge," I stated simply. "Knowledge is my power. I will go to Neutronia and learn, and then I will join you."

Red Storm's pleased expression irked me, so I whirled around and dropped to my sister's side. I reached out and felt her forehead. It no longer burned with fever. Instead, it was cold.

Out of thin air I conjured a simple gold crown adorned with a single diamond. I placed it on her still head.

"Let's go," I said quietly.





:ph43r:

[RocksmySocks]

Wow, powerful!

That was beautifully written. Really, really nice job. It was like you could really feel the pain while reading along.

Magnificent chapter. Well done, Lady Elise.


-Rat Lady :ahoy:

[Kaytron]

Whoah,

That was a really.... deep chapter. :blink:
This is getting goood. :rock:

I can't wait for more!!!!!!!


^Kaytron^ :ph43r: