42 replies to this topic

[CraazyOne]

Oh, I'm afraid the beginning is lame. I didn't jump right into the action, which would make it a lot more interesting... BTW, since the land of the Neutron Knights is kinda a mixture of Medieval "charm" and futuristic technology, I tried to incorporate both in my story. I typed this up really quickly; hope it's decent.

Part I

My village was one of the smaller ones, surrounded by miles of flat farmland. I'd always liked the fact that the countryside was just a short walk off the main street: there were many days in which I'd dawdle for hours in the village bookshop and then slip away with a good book to wander along the country lanes. In harvesttime the longs rows of corn would sparkle golden in the evening sun, and I'd soak up the sight with eager eyes. Maybe I was a sap for beauty, but being outside to study nature, read a good book, or simply daydream, was one of my favorite pasttimes.

War was chatted about in the shops often, but, though I always lent a serious ear to the chatter, I never concerned myself too much. All the fighting was off in distant lands; my village was tucked away in a peaceful valley, away from it all. Maybe a little TOO away from it all.

From all outward appearances, it would appear I was the quiet-loving, daydreaming type. And, I can't deny I've always loved that. But deep down, there was another part of me I couldn't ignore: a part of me that was growing stronger day by day as my dull, insignificant life dragged on. I craved adventure, and I was sick of the ordinary.

This part of me was carefully tucked away until I turned sixteen. Then, when I began planning to attend a nearby university and decide what I'd do with the rest of my life, did I really yearn for something different. Little did I know how quickly "something different" would happen to me.

It was only a week after my birthday when the man entered the bakery where I worked. Oh, his appearance must have spread like wildfire through that little village within mere moments of his entrance. He had a long, jagged scar that stood out pale and stark against his tanned complexion. His clothes were inconspicuous, but the hilt of a lightsaber tucked into his belt was not. In my village, technology of that sort was not only beyond what most could afford, it was unnecessary. Our police system and our jails were well-run, and the chaos of the outside world seemed distant here.

I couldn't keep the grin off my face as the man approached solemnly, surverying me with jet black eyes. "Hi," I greeted him, trying to keep the laughter out of my voice. I peeked over at my boss, an older lady with quite a sense of humor as well, and she winked at me.

"A little dressed up today?" my boss began in an attempt at starting a conversation with the stranger.

He grunted and turned back to me. "Are you Elisabeth...Smith?" he smirked ever so slightly as he uttered my last name.

My eyes widened and my mind went blank for a moment. "Um...yes," I finally admitted.

The man merely grinned and then turned to my boss to make his order. It was all I could do to maintain my composure as I reached for the loaf of bread he wanted. I could tell the stranger was watching me still as my boss looked on helplessly.

"Do you like it here?" the man inquired, and I wondered if he was just trying to sound casual.

"Yes," I answered shortly, meeting his gaze evenly.

He chuckled. "It's quite an exciting life...living in the middle of nowhere baking bread for a bunch of dirt-poor, gossiping villagers." He paused. "Are you in school?"

"I've finished." In my area, a basic education didn't take many years to complete. My teachers said I was more than prepared for a university education.

"Going to a university?"

At work or not, I couldn't feign a polite attitude any longer. "It's not your business."

"Sure it isn't...Miss Elisabeth Smith."

Again I caught the humor in his tone. A sick feeling churned in my stomach: he knew that wasn't my real name. In fact, this stranger was acting like he knew more about my past than I myself did.




~Rachel~

[RocksmySocks]

Yay Spike!!!

Oh, I like it! Can't wait to see more!!!


-Rat Lady :ahoy:

[Beks]

Oooo, suspense! I love it!

[ssj4majuub]

CONTINUOUS WIN

[Jimmygang 005]

Vary nice going Spike :thumbsup: can't wait to see more ^_^

:) Khalid :)

[CraazyOne]

Ha, my story's getting longer than I'd first expected, too. I guess Katie and I just have a thing for long stories with slightly more complicated plots... XDDD Oh, well.



Part II


Months past after the stranger first came to our village, and I couldn't get him off my mind. He'd purchased a cottage within a forest on the outskirts of our little world and become the center of its gossip. He rarely left his home, and when he did go out, he always bore at least one weapon and kept very quiet. Most villagers assumed he was a retired solider who carried his weapons still out of habit, but I couldn't help but wonder if the man didn't feel he had a reason. After all, the way he held his hand close to his lightsaber's hilt and studied everyone with his shrewd eyes made me anxious. It was as if he were expecting an enemy to ambush him in a shop or on a street corner.

I passed by his cottage often, and every time I did I would slow to gaze through the trees in hopes of catching a glimpse of him outside. He was often outside, firing at targets he'd nailed to trees or playing with other gadgets I didn't even recognize. The question that always pestered me when I walked past his home was exactly why a man like him had decided to move to such an isolated place anyway. For the same reason my family had come, perhaps? After all, he obviously knew about our past...

It wasn't until I found myself going by in the gloom of a grey and icy winter evening that the man acknowledged my presence. He glanced over just as I nearly slipped on a sheet of ice on the dirt road. "Careful, miss," he warned. I recovered my balance and peered up to see the stranger cutting wood for a fire. But he wasn't doing it in the poor villagers' way: he was slicing the wood with a laser beam his watch emitted. He noticed I was gaping, for he grinned at me and asked, "Never seen a laser before?"

"Yes, of course I have," I replied indignantly. "All soldiers have them."

"A lot of citizens do too, nowadays," the man responded pointedly.

I flushed, knowing immediately that he was signifying how backwards my village was. "We're not exactly the most wealthy people you'll find, I know," I spoke up, "but a lot of the villagers live here because they're afraid of the technological advancement, believe it or not. They like simple, quiet living and they avoid thrills and adventure at all costs."

The man caught the bitterness in my tone and gave me a long, thoughtful look. Then a grim smile twisted his lips as he added, "Or they live here to hide from the law."

An icy wave, worse than the biting winter wind, washed down my back. I averted my eyes and tried to swallow as I thought of something to answer with. But what was the point in hiding the past, when I could tell that he knew it already?

With a quick look around to make sure no one else was within hearing distance, I decided to demand some explanations. When I stepped off the road and into the forest, my gait was a lot more confident than I'd expected. I hoped my eyes didn't betray my fear as I looked into his and asked as loudly and steadily as my voice would allow, "How do you know?"

The stranger stepped closer and scanned the road behind me as well. Seemingly satisfied, he reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled something out--it looked like a soldier's badge. But when he held it out for me to study, I realized it was more than that. It was the symbol for the Neutron Knights.

"You're a...?"

"My name is Trent, and I've been serving the kingdom for over twenty years now. Word about your family's...shady past...is not secret among the knights."

I thought I was going to choke with the emotion that swept over me. For several moments, my throat felt too tight to even let the words out. When I did manage to speak, my voice sounded strained, betraying the tears I was struggling so hard to fight back. "My grandfather was a criminal, but he was just a thief. He never did anything to endanger the queen or anyone else; he was just trying to provide for his family. Besides, he's dead now, and I swear none of the rest of us were involved!"

Trent continued to watch me solemnly, but he didn't question my statement. "Whatever the case, you're trapped here now because of your tainted family name. 'Elisabeth Smith' is an alias, and this dull routine isn't the life you want."

I blinked and was dismayed to find that the tears and slipped down my cheeks anyway. Thoroughly embarrassed, I brushed them away and simply nodded.

"Well," Trent murmured after a short while. "I cannot tell you much now; it's not safe. But," he went on in a low voice, "there is a reason I was sent to this village. Your family is in danger."

"The Neutron Knights are after us?" My eyes widened. I was used to living on the run, always dodging the law, but the Neutron Knights weren't your average justice-seekers.

"I can't explain," he muttered, studying the trees around us alertly but with a casual air. "Keep your eyes open; come back with your father early tomorrow if you can." He backed up and grinned again. "I'm glad you like stories about my days as a soldier! Maybe tomorrow you'd like to hear some more...bring your father if you can. I'm sure if he has some time to spare he'd enjoy them as much as you."

I caught on immediately, although I could scarcely believe her thought someone could be eavesdropping on us on the outskirts of the village. Bidding him as casual a goodbye as I could manage, I returned to the road and trudged as quickly as I could without slipping on the ice. Thoughts and emotions swirled within my brain like a mini-tornado. I was in danger again. I myself never remembered having to actually escape from the law; my parents had abandoned our old home and our old life only months after I'd been born. Any dealings with my grandfather after that had been underhanded enough that we'd been safe. But now, with Trent's words of caution still buzzing in my ears and my heart pounding at a hundred miles an hour, I wondered if I hadn't been wrong to hope for excitement in my life after all.




~Rachel~

[ssj4majuub]

REPEATED WIN

[RocksmySocks]

SO GOOD, SPIKE!

Wow, great job!

I really am excited to see the next post!!!


-Rat Lady :ahoy:

[Beks]

ooo, this is getting good! Please post soon! ^_^

[CraazyOne]

This is probably my crummiest attempt yet, but hey, at least I'm finally updating this!


Part III

I'd always hated the cold. As I trudged back home, shivering, the chill air seemed to seep right into my bones and make it even harder to focus. It was as if every last ounce of sanity had been drained from me. Every corner I approached made me slow my steps and try to still my breathing as my heart accelerated to a rate so wild I almost couldn't hear anything other than my own heartbeat. THUD...THUD...THUD... My boots crunched on the snow and ice as I peered cautiously round the edge of a building, only to see nothing. But the fact that I didn't see anyone stalking the town streets made it worse for me. I couldn't run for fear of slipping on the slick ice, but keeping up that monotonous trudge was hard for me to do.

Finally, I reached the safety of my home. My mother had the fireplace roaring and some dinner saved for me. She greeted me right away and gestured to the stew she'd prepared. On any other night it would look delicious, but I'd lost my appetite quite some time ago.

"I'm not hungry," I groaned.

"Are you sick?"

I glanced up at my mother before looking down at my feet again and starting to shuffle forward. "Yeah," I muttered. I was unfamiliar with such outright deception, and I knew if I didn't get out of the room right away my mom would catch the flush in my cheeks or the terror in my eyes.

I stumbled down the short hall to my tiny room. It was barely large enough to hold my cot and it fairly overflowed with papers I'd scribbled on. What a dreamer, to write such nonsense. As if I could escape reality by writing about imaginary adventures. And what an idiot, to even wish that I could experience something like those adventures myself. Did I want my family to be harmed?

Sitting on the floor, I hugged my knees to my body and stared into the blackness. If I told my mother the truth, we could be overheard. Was I paranoid? No, I'd seen the look in Trent's eyes as he'd whispered to me. The Neutron Knights--for they had to be the ones after us--were clever, stealthy, and well-equipped. What was my family against their well-trained forces armed with lasers? I pulled my hand into a fist and frowned at it, recalling the martial arts training I'd taken years ago when a retired soldier had decided to train some of the local kids for the fun of it. My parents had thrown myself and my brother into the group, insisting we should be prepared...since we were a family running from the law.

"Did they think we'd actually get killed?" I whispered to the shadows in my room. "My grandfather was a thief...he didn't do anything...We didn't do anything...worthy of death."

At that moment, a twig snapped outside and I crawled cautiously to my window to peer outside. I almost didn't catch the dark form in the grove of trees a few yards away, but my fears instantly became reality.

Dread certainty crept into my heart. I was supposed to tell my father to meet with Trent so that the man could warn him of the danger and my family could run again. But Trent had been concerned for a reason...he'd feared we might be overheard, and something told me that he was definitely in danger. And so was my family. If I had been followed home...

I heard my parents rushing about, gathering my brothers together and whispering them to keep quiet so we could leave. But I couldn't go! Not when I knew that the man who'd risked his life to warn us was endangered...

I rose to my feet without thinking and strode to the small window at the end of my room. A half-hearted smile twisted my lips as I told myself this was yet one more advantage to being small. I raised it quietly and swung one leg over the sill without a problem. For a few short moments, I remained crouched beneath my window, scanning the darkness around me for fear of being watched. Nothing but emptiness and silence welcomed my senses, and so I pressed forward.

It didn't take me long to reach the forest. If I could find my way to his house, sneak to it undetected by any enemies, and find a way to warn him, I'd feel that my responsibility was done and I could return to my family. The knowledge that my parent's wouldn't go far without me made me worry for their safety, but I couldn't turn back now.

Moonlight reflected off the snow as I slipped between the trees. The forest stood barren and still in the night, each tree looking bleak and skeletal as the silver light shimmered on its bark. Droplets of ice sparkled like hundreds of tiny crystals on branches overhead; they were all that kept the place from looking like a haunt for the dead. As the chill breeze numbed my cheeks and fingers, I felt as if this whole scenario was far too nightmarish.... I tried to shake the feeling off, but now that I'd given my brain time to actually consider what I was doing, I was beginning to hesitate. Each step came with great effort; the fear clung to me like shackles. I'd never been the kind to run off into the night knowing I was being stalked by enemies. It occurred to me at that moment that I had probably run off on a fool's errand, anyway: Trent was a seasoned Neutron Knight who already knew he was in danger; my sighting would most likely be no news to him.

A footstep behind me sent my head spinning and I spun around in horror. Nothing. My wild eyes scanned the shadows behind me, hunting for the threatening form I'd been expecting to be lurking after me all along. Was it just my imagination? I was still cemented to the spot, searching desperately for something, anything... My fevered brain seemed to conjure up shapes in the blackness and my heart beat too quickly for me to catch any other sounds.

And then, out of nowhere, something struck the back of my head, knocking me facedown into the snow. My head pounded as the world tipped in front of me and my heart shot into overdrive. I stretched my arm out and grasped at a root jutting out of the ground. Yanking myself to my feet, I pivoted to face my attacker, aiming a roundhouse kick at the stranger at the same time. As my foot made solid contact with the man's body, I was more stunned than anything. In a blind panic I turned and began to run, remembering afterward that the bulky figure who had been towering over me for one split second would overtake me in moments. Gasping for breath, I screamed for help, but I knew it was hopeless. Somehow, I was going to have to find a way to take out this man before he took care of me...

The footsteps were right behind me. I had to do something NOW. Turning suddenly, I shoved my whole body forward in another kick. My pursuer, unprepared for my sudden stop, collided with my leg. As I'd expected, the force shoved me onto my back, but it made him double over in pain. I grunted as the air escaped my lungs, but tried to get up anyway and take the man while he was vulnerable. He was faster. Before I could so much as force air into my burning lungs, he'd lunged forward with something in his hand that gleamed in the dim light. One instant he was hovering over me, the next sharp pain was stabbing my gut and shooting through my entire body.

My screams shattered the still night air.




~Rachel~

[RocksmySocks]

AHHH!

Spike!!!!!!!!

*is terrified on your behalf*


OMG now I really need to know what happens next!


AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!


PS: GREAT JOB!

[ssj4majuub]

This is SHWEAT

But I can take confidence in the fact that you don't die.

[Beks]

Ah! What happens next? :onfire:

[.:!Gwen!:.]

...HOOOOLY.

RINGO. YOU'RE INCREDIBLE.

No, I'm not even lying. You had me positively on the edge of my seat, asking myself, "What's happening? What's her story? How long has this been going on?"

Oh my goodness. The way you write is absolutely captivating. You use such detail, but you're also strong in dialogue.

If you write a novel and give me a copy, consider it read.







.:!Gwen!:.

[RocksmySocks]

  ...HOOOOLY.

RINGO. YOU'RE INCREDIBLE.

No, I'm not even lying. You had me positively on the edge of my seat, asking myself, "What's happening? What's her story? How long has this been going on?"

Oh my goodness. The way you write is absolutely captivating. You use such detail, but you're also strong in dialogue.

If you write a novel and give me a copy, consider it read.

I know, right? She's an AMAZING writer!

I definitely think the title of Writer Girl should have gone to Rach rather than myself. She has a real talent for telling a story.

[.:!Gwen!:.]

Naw, I think you're excellent too.

Uh...okay. I've got it.

Beks is Writer Woman, you're Writer Girl, and Ringo is Writer Lady. Together, you make up a fantastic trio of asskicking authoresses. 8D








.:!Gwen!:.

[CraazyOne]

   ...HOOOOLY.

RINGO. YOU'RE INCREDIBLE.

No, I'm not even lying. You had me positively on the edge of my seat, asking myself, "What's happening? What's her story? How long has this been going on?"

Oh my goodness. The way you write is absolutely captivating. You use such detail, but you're also strong in dialogue.

If you write a novel and give me a copy, consider it read.

I know, right? She's an AMAZING writer!

I definitely think the title of Writer Girl should have gone to Rach rather than myself. She has a real talent for telling a story.

NOWAY! Katie, I practically WORSHIP your writing skills! OK, OK, so I don't particularly like using the word "worship" unless referring to God, but I think you get my point. I adore your writing style! :dance: The title "Writer Girl" is definitely yours. As if that of Literary Queen, or whatever it was that I bestowed on you when you were writing your fanfic. XD

Beks is Writer Woman, you're Writer Girl, and Ringo is Writer Lady. Together, you make up a fantastic trio of asskicking authoresses. 8D

LOL. That's pretty incredible.




~Rachel~

[RocksmySocks]

Haha, thanks Rach and Gwen. I didn't quite mean to fish for praise or something there, I just was trying to explain how AWESOME Rach is at writing. :lol:

*puts on Literary Queen crown*

But seriously, I meant that as a compliment. You should definitely have your own writing "title" bestowed upon you, Rach. You deserve it.

Hehe, Writer Lady...hmmmmmmmmmm.......*goes off to ponder*

[CraazyOne]

Welcome! :D You definitely deserved that praise.


And aww, you really think so? That means a lot coming from Writer Girl! ^_^





~Rachel~

[.:!Gwen!:.]

LOL. That's pretty incredible.

;D

...HAPPY 5000 POSTS RINGO!!

You're half way to Norse god status! XD






.:!Gwen!:.